Weird Girl Meets Weird Boy
by luffyduffy
Summary: She was lost, in need of someone to save her. He was wandering in a life of boredom, unfulfilled until she came into his life. AH, OOC, canon pairings. Full summary inside, on hiatus.
1. I'm Bella

**All recognizable characters are Smeyers, blahblahblah..**

**FULL SUMMARY: **After a tragedy occurs, Renee and Bella flee their home in Arizona to the sleepy town of Forks to escape the memories. Bella has never fit in with any croud, she has never had a perfect clique, so when she finds the Cullens and becomes friends with them, she is shocked at how well she fits with them. But her recent past threatens to take it all away from her as she is close to losing her mother and herself to it. OOC, AH.

_So put your arms around me _  
_And then stay there forever _  
_Let it always be this way _  
_You and me together_

_So put you arms around me_  
_And I'll never let go_  
_I know they're easy words to say_  
_But I mean it more then ever_

_-_Put Your Arms Around Me (Natasha Bedingfield)

ONE:

As Bella is driven up to her new home by her mother, she reminisces. Her old life has melted away from her as fast as fat is sucked down a liposuction tube. There will be no more comforting hugs, kisses on bruises or fun parties with the family. Only Renee and Bella, 'till the end of time. Bella shivers, either from the cold or from the light caress of depression.

She looks out of her window to glimpse at the scenery flowing past her. Green, green, green, brown, green. Bella wonders at the dominating color of green, a color which is almost unheard of in sunny Arizona. She half expects a wood sprite to spring out of the trees and blow her a kiss.

The smoke of Renee's cigarette swirls into Bella's face, into her eyes and down her throat. Bella coughs lightly and makes a fanning motion in front of her, clearing the air. Renee gets the hint and holds her cigarette further out of the window so the smoke is taken into the breeze. Bella wonders what happens to the smoke. Does it fade out into nothing, similar to the death of humans? Or does it stay as a translucent substance, floating along with the breeze? Perhaps the smoke will travel deep into the Congo and witness horrors unimaginable to Bella, or maybe it will witness the romances of Paris, or the bleak beauty of a desert…

Bella is snapped out of her reverie by the sight of her new home. She only knows it is hers because Renee showed her a picture of it before the move, otherwise the crumbling house would look like every other house on the street to her. Though the fact is that it hers, therefore it is different. To her, the faded navy blue of the roof is calming, the rusty mailbox: charming.

Renee stops the car and glances at her daughter. "Here we are," she says, glumly. To Renee, the house seems dull and dilapidated, which to her, fits in completely with the landscape behind it. To a vibrant woman used to the yellows and reds of Phoenix, Arizona, bumfuck nowhere, Washington, is quite a downgrade. Though maybe a big change is necessary, she thinks.

Bella, on the other hand, is delighted. The fast pace of Phoenix was constantly exhausting to her, maybe this is the time to slow down and finally figure out what life is about. Though, at only seventeen, I probably won't get far, Bella thinks. She gives Renee a small smile.

Both women climb out of the car and grab their luggage, of which there isn't a lot. They were trying to get out of Arizona as fast as possible, which didn't leave much time for possessions. Though possessions are important to both women, they don't regret leaving them. Getting out was the priority.

Upon entry into the house, Bella and Renee glance around appreciatively. As seen from the outside, there are many windows in the house, making it very bright and open. The house seems like a hug embodied, willing to open its huge plasterboard arms and welcome you into its carpeted grasp, comforting and coddling until stresses are no more. Of course, to Bella, it seems like there will never be such thing as comfort again. Perhaps it would be wise to refrain from allegorizing a house, Bella thinks to herself.

The walls are painted a relaxing pale pink, the carpet a warm beige. The house has some basic furniture which makes Bella's lips curve slightly – some lawn chairs in front of a crappy TV and a bookcase with a few books. Bella walks up to the bookcase and runs her finger along the spines of some of the novels – Jane Austen, Emily Bronte. Awesome, Bella thinks. I'll have something to read when I'm deluding myself about my intelligence.

Bella hears a squeal coming from somewhere to her left, presumably from Renee, who can work herself into a state of extreme excitement quite easily. Or, more accurately, who gets excited at anything. Bella once burnt toast, and Renee's eyes sparkled at the 'fascinating sooty shade of the bread.' Bella follows the squeal into what looks like a small kitchen.

"Look at these cabinets, Bella!" Renee cries, pointing at the cupboards above the kitchen sink and bench tops. "Divine!"

They are divine, Bella thinks. Divinely yellow. She looks at the stark yellow cabinets, then at the old square oak table and mismatched chairs, then down at the white linoleum floor. Odd combination, but I like it, Bella thinks.

As if somehow Renee had heard Bella's thoughts, she says loudly, "Oh my GOD! We need a decorator badly, this décor is hideous..." Bella rolls her eyes.

On the night of the next day, after having spent the daylight arranging her room and the living room while Renee went out to buy furniture, groceries, and of course, cigarettes, Bella ponders what the next day will bring. A new school, with new teachers, new students to avoid… Not that Bella is a social pariah, or she doesn't want to make new friends, Bella just doesn't like the company of most people. Everyone she has ever met hasn't clicked with her in the way that people in movies and novels seem to automatically click. She wishes she could figure out why, instead of feeling so alone. Bella could use a good friend; especially with her no longer being able to relate to Renee. Though she will probably be too busy evading all attention to make one.

Bella turns off her recently bought antique lamp and rolls over onto her side, tucking her hand under her head and bringing her knees to her chest, readying herself for dreams, where she is taken away from the reality of her life. Before she can fully drift off to sleep, rain begins to pour down, making a sound similar to the sound of an angel shooting a rooftop with diamond bullets.

Bella has always wondered about the rain. It seems so magical, so mystical, yet it is brought into existence simply by the condensation of water vapor. Bella often pretends to herself that the rain appears in a more esoteric manner, such as by sea nymphs, summoned from the ocean, smearing their droplets across the sky, or by magnificent whales swimming around the earth, squirting enough water out of their blowholes to coat the land. But such things are for fairytales, as she is often told. She stops making up "stupid stories," as Renee and her Phoenix friends often tell her to in their lectures, and slips into slumber.

* * *

The drive to school the next day is completely miserable. In her shiny new red truck - which Renee got for her the previous day at a discount from some old guys who most likely stared down her top - Bella feels safe, like she's in an army tank. The problem is, the rain is pissing down even more heavily than the night before. It seems as if our angel friend has acquired a machine gun, Bella thinks, sardonically. She is afraid of the very real possibility that she will hit someone, therefore she drives overcautiously. Though this results in a pace as slow and leisurely as a cat hacking at a mouse, which gives Bella room to think. Room she doesn't want.

To distract herself, Bella tries to turn on the radio of the truck, which, exactly in tune with her luck, does not work. Instead, she spent the drive to Forks High – which was not hard to find as it was just off the highway, like most other public places in Forks – thinking up a name for her truck. It was huge and, like Bella had thought before, tank-like. The vehicle could probably withstand a terrorist attack, hell, an attack of huge rainbow-feathered harpies if Bella was being creative.

After a quick debate with herself, Bella decides on Max, with a sharp nod to herself. Possibility of being short for Maximillian will be decided at a later date.

Bella easily sees the big wooden sign labelled 'FORKS HIGH,' and drives into the clearly marked entryway next to it, which lead to a small parking lot in front of the school, surrounded with huge oaks and pines and various shrubs. She jumps out of the cab of Max with little grace, almost slipping over on the sopping pavement, saved by a light grip on her elbow. Bella looks up, startled, into friendly brown eyes.

"Hi, I'm Jessica. Welcome to Forks."

**Concrit, or just plain ol' ego boosting compliments, are appreciated.**


	2. New, Annoying Friends

_So crack a bottle, let your body waddle_  
_Don't act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto_  
_Uh-oh Uh-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe_  
_Got one riding shotgun and no not one of them got clothes_  
_Now where's the rubbers? Whose got the rubbers?_  
_I notice there's so many of them_  
_and there's really not that many of us._  
_And ladies love us, my posse's kicking up dust._  
_It's on till the break of dawn_  
_and we're starting this party from dusk_

_-_Crack A Bottle (Eminem)

TWO:

When Bella sings in the shower, it is horrible. She tries not to sing too loud for, occasionally, she can see cracks forming on the walls of the shower. Her songs usually sound like long, thin wails, and offend the ears of anyone who is unfortunate enough to hear her. She only does this when she is sure Renee can't hear her, but occasionally she misjudges the location of her mother and ends up receiving a very heated, 'For the love of all that is holy, SHUT THE FUCK UP!' Intense mortification ensues. This is how Bella is feeling right now.

She thought she had more time to mentally prepare herself for the ordeal of meeting new people. Perhaps she could fashion herself into an Aphrodite, or a female Ero. She knew that wasn't her true self, but isn't that the beauty of starting at a new school?

But fuck the world up its ass; it just does not let her have even one victory. Bella is forced to collect herself and present an acceptable personality to a classmate with only five seconds prep time, a classmate she would much rather have avoided. Any more, and the chick would probably notice the wide eyes and open mouth. How approachable.

Bella snaps her mouth shut and tries to look friendly yet slightly bored, though probably managing to look like she has explosive diarrhoea.

"Hey Jessica," she says. Smooth. "Er, thanks. For, you know, not letting me fall. If I had an ass enlargement, there would have been a shitload of silicone on the splattered all over the ground right now," She laughs, weakly. Jessica gives her a weird look. "Not that I have one." The weird look remains.

"Anyway," Bella hurries to change the subject, "I'm Bella. How'd you know I was new?"

Jessica chuckles and her facial expression relaxes. She's quite pretty, though short, with a wild mass of curly hair and a few faded freckles dotting her face – obviously Jessica tries to conceal them. Most likely with concealer. "All newbies have the same look of terror mixed with hope when they're new." She pauses. "Plus, we only have like five hundred kids in our school. Everyone knows everyone."

Hmm, Bella thinks. First, she thinks I'm a freak. Now, everyone will , since Jessica seems like the type of girl who adores gossiping, and since they all probably know each other so intimately they braid each other's pubic hair. This keeps getting better and better.

"So, c'mon,' Jessica starts walking and beckons Bella forward. Ah, the moment of truth.

Bella quickly grabs her backpack and shuts the door to her truck, whispering 'See you, Max. Wish me luck,' as she jogs towards Jessica.

The two girls walk peaceably through the wide doors of the small, brick front building. A grey-haired woman with a very lined face is sitting behind a wooden desk, reading what looks like a trashy romance novel, if one judges from the naked, embracing couple on the front. Or it could be fantasy, Bella thinks. The size of the man's penis is definitely not realistic.

Bella walks towards the woman and leans on the desk slightly, asking, 'Excuse me, are you the receptionist?'

The lady reddens and closes her book immediately, shoving it in a drawer and noticeably uncrossing her tightly crossed legs. 'Mm yes, I'm Ms Cope. Are you the new girl?'

'Yes, I'm Bella,' she replies, trying to hold back her smile. 'I was told I needed to get my 'new girl' stuff from you.'

'Of course,' Ms Cope turns her back to Bella and Jessica, shuffling around in some files, presumably looking for the papers. Jessica giggles and makes a swooning motion, causing Bella to smirk.

'Here it is, your timetable, locker number and what-not,' Ms Cope turns back around and slides the information over the desk to Bella. 'I'm sure Jess here will show you where your classes are, Bella. My condolences to -'

Bella didn't let her finish, delivering a sharp, 'Thank you,' before taking the papers and rushing in a random direction. Jessica quickly catches up to her and gives her a questioning look, which Bella ignores. Jessica pushes it, saying in a sweet voice that Jessica probably thinks is appropriately condolence-y, 'I'm sorry too Bella –'

'Look. I really don't want to talk about it, Jessica.' Bella had no idea that the whole town knew of what happened, but she should have expected it. Bumfuck nowhere towns always stick their bumfuck noses into other peoples' business. Bella curses to herself, dreading the fact that she's going to have to deflect more attention than she'd thought she'd had to. Fuck.

'Ok Bella, relax,' Jessica says, condescendingly. 'Pass your timetable. And call me Jess.'

Ten minutes later, an annoyed Jessica and an even more annoyed Bella sit silently, side-by-side, in English, which they have together. This is unfortunate for Bella, as she doesn't like 'Jess' a whole lot. Despite the fact that Bella's eyes are rimmed with kohl and her lips smeared with gloss, she feels very under-makeuped, and under-girlified in general. The girls at Forks High were big on fake tan, dyed hair and blush, and that included Jessica. Jess also had the irritating tendency to gush about the most random shit, and she asks _very_ original questions, such as 'Where are you from?' 'How are you liking Forks?' and 'Like oh my god, is there any boy here you're absolutely _dying _to hump?,' questions she had managed to yap at Bella during the walk to their English classroom. Sadly, Bella doesn't believe she'll find a niche of nonconformity here.

Ugh, Bella is so boring, Jessica thinks. Everything she says sounds seriously psychotic, and she hasn't even picked a boy toy yet. Not that any of the guys would go for her… Where's the display of mid-drift? The sly peek of cleavage? The miniskirt, for God's sake! Ugh. Bella's brow furrows at Jessica's random scowl, wondering at the cause of it.

A teacher, who Jessica pointed out was named Ms Goff, calls the class to attention and begins an explanation of the standard of work she is expecting from the students this year, et cetera et cetera. But before this, she announces to the class that they have a new student, which increases the irritation of Bella, as all eyes turn to her. Jess giggles, adoring the attention. I'll just sacrifice today and stick to her, Jess thinks. Get some more goss for everyone; it'll be for the greater good. Though of course, Jessica's real intention is simply to increase her popularity.

Bella blushes and mumbles hi to everyone, which prompts Ms Goff to begin her lesson. Most of the students turn back around as it's obvious the new girl isn't going to say anything interesting, though a few eyes remain. Bella starts to copy down notes, thinking she really needs to buy a copy of Othello, her most hated Shakespearean play. Bella feels neutral towards Shakespeare – though the books are rarely entertaining, some have interesting quotes like, 'though she be but little, she is fierce_**,' - **_which is Bella's motto - and hidden messages. In her opinion, Othello is the worst, as the plot is easily decipherable and the characters: uncomplicated. Oh well, she thinks. Easy A.

Bella feels a slight prick by her arm and realises Jessica is passing her a note. Cool, sixth grade, she mentally smirks. She unfolds the note.

_OMG, Othello! My mom tried to make me read it once and I was like shit, is this in a diff language? Wtf is going on?_

Bella stops her eye roll just in time, as she is sure Jess is looking at her, watching for a slight nod of agreement. Bella turns her head and finds she is correct, though Jess also has a small smile as well, probably sure of Bella's sheeping abilities. She contemplates whether to completely alienate Jess and tell her how ridiculously stupid she is, or to meekly nod. Bella's ambivalence causes her to shrug, settling for option three. She'll wait it out a little bit, no need to attract the wrath of Jess and the gang of skanks Bella is sure she has so early in the day. Jessica's smile falters, while Bella's head turns directly to the front of the room.

When the bell goes, Jessica turns towards Bella with enthusiasm and begins her relentless stream of chatter once again, and Bella sighs. Luckily, they didn't share any other classes together, so Bella kept to herself, though she was constantly peppered with questions from random students until lunch.

When the bell rang, signalling the end to her last class before lunch, a cute blond-haired, blue-eyed guy comes up to Bella. Oh no, Bella thinks. Direct contact, evasion would be too obvious.

'Hey Belle, I'm Mike,' the boy says, smiling and dimpling.

'It's Bella,' Bella replies. 'Nice to meet you,' she says, as she tries to side-step him and get to her locker, which Jess helped her find beforehand.

'Hang on. Want to sit with us at the cafeteria?' Mike asks, not waiting for her response and already pulling her along. Even though, quite frankly, Mike repulses Bella, she still waits to feel the tell-tale tingling that female protagonists always get when their destined love touches them. Nope, nothing.

Bella rips her arm from Mike's grip and says, 'Dude, what the fuck? Presumptuous, much?'

***Sheeping - the art of acting like a sheep i.e. conforming to others**

**Feedback is love.**


	3. The Ire of Jessica

**In case anyone is thinking it's really harsh for Bella to think that Jessica is 'ridiculously stupid' for not understanding Shakespeare, I'd like to point out that just because Bella believes everyone is an idiot apart from her, doesn't mean it's true. She's flawed, just like everybody else.**

_Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,_  
_We're awakening_  
_Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,_  
_We're awakening_  
_Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep_  
_About a dream, we're awakening_

_-_Awakening (Switchfoot)

THREE:

Mike looks at Bella with a horrified expression, as if he just learned that Dumbledore dies. Bella smiles to herself, thinking that she probably just took away Mike's rejection virginity – with his annoying confidence she doubted anyone had dared to say no to him in his whole life. What Mike doesn't know though is that one of Bella's pet peeves is when people assume things about her – such as that she would actually _want _to sit with a boy who looks like he's never read anything deeper than a shopping list. Though if he's never read anything deeper than a shopping list, which Bella is sure he hasn't, then he certainly hasn't read _Harry Potter,_ so he probably wouldn't care if Dumbledore dies. I need to revise my internal similes, Bella thinks.

"What the fuck am I doing?" he asks, outraged. "What the fuck are you doing? Since when do new girls talk that way to the most popular guy in school? Don't you know who I am?" He subtly puffs up his chest and straightens his back, widening the difference in height between himself and Bella. Bella's eyes were getting very tired of rolling.

Mike's outburst was attracting unwanted attention, slightly curbing Bella's tongue. She only mumbles, "I'm sorry, do you want the key to my chastity belt too, my lord?" before stumbling away, embarrassed.

He cackles to Bella's turned back, clearly delighted with his victory, which he also managed to achieve in front of an audience, much to his joy. Though out of Bella's periphery, she could see he still looked confused from her rejection, and also hurt. Bella asks herself why they keep treating her like a new, shiny object. It's like everyone wants to get a glance at her, stare at her, touch her. She's getting sick of getting raped by fucking magpies.

Mike could not stand not getting the last word, so before Bella disappeared around the corner and from his sight, he shouted, "Sure. You can bell-low me while you're at it!" He roared with laughter at his word play, as did his cronies. Bella shook her head in disgust at the imbecility of the insult. I think I'd actually enjoy being insulted, she thinks, if only the insults were clever. She sighs.

Bella elects to go to the place most people go to when they've been recently humiliated and want to be alone – the library. After pushing some books in her locker to lighten up her bag, and getting directions from a random teacher, she starts walking towards the assumed sanctuary, and is shoved in the shoulder by one of Mike's thugs on the way. The maturity level of this place is astounding, Bella notes.

The library was nice, with many wooden bookshelves and tables, as well as warm coloured rugs and chairs. It was bewilderingly large for a school with only five hundred students, but after asking the friendly, young librarian about it, Bella learns that the library isn't actually exclusive to Forks High students – it's the library of the entire populace of Forks. She sees a second entrance at the opposite end of the library, presumably where the public can walk through. Interesting.

Bella finds a cozy spot near a heater, snuggling up to her book _Nightlight _which was stored in her backpack, a novel which Renee is forcing her to read so they can gush about it together. So far, Bella is finding it quite un-gush worthy; a novel about sparkly vampires isn't her version of worthwhile reading. All she can think about while reading it is a bunch of vamps prancing around a piano and doing jazz hands. But she won't tell Renee this, as, Renee, unfortunately, is a well-known bigot. It wasn't worth the effort. When she had gotten to the scene where the vampires were playing baseball, while wondering that maybe the having the vampires practice Broadway might be more appropriate, a hand placed itself on her book, distracting her. Bella looked up to see whose body the hand was connected to so she could disconnect it – she hated being disrupted from anything. Even from reading a crappy book. Well, maybe from Trig studying…

"Bella," Jessica states, nostrils flaring and obviously irate. Really, who flares their nostrils, Bella snorts. Unfortunately, Jess snatches her arm off of the novel once it was obvious she had Bella's attention, so the possibility of further disfigurement could not be explored. Bella tucks the book into her bag, accidentally giving Jess a glance of the cover.

"Wow, I love that book! Don't you?" _Of course she does, _Bella thinks. Her thoughts drift as Jess waffles on about it, coming to a stop after a minute or so when she figures out that Bella isn't listening. "Anyway," Jess says, returning to her former state or irritation, "I've been looking for you everywhere; I thought we'd agreed to meet in the cafeteria. I wanted you to meet everyone," Jess pouts.

Bella looks down, feeling slightly guilty about the situation. Guilty, because Jess probably did ask her about this and Bella most likely gave a noncommittal nod without knowing what she was agreeing to, due to the fact that she has learned to tune Jess out when she was babbling at her – instead, Bella remembers that she had been thinking about why night was so much better than day. For one, because there's no such thing as moonburn. Two, Bella bets than princesses like Jessica don't go out at night, unless accompanied by an adoring boyfriend – and even then, only reluctantly. The list goes on but, ah, to spend at least twenty-four hours without Jessica, Bella thinks. She had no idea how lucky she used to be. Bella takes her mind out of the tangent it is taking and returns to the present.

Obviously, the guilt was only slight because Bella thinks Jessica is an annoying little twat. Regardless, apologies are likely expected. Bella looks up into Jessica's expected expectant face.

"I'm sorry Jess, I completely forgot about it. This guy was a jerk to me and I didn't feel like going into the cafeteria, where he said he was going to." Bella feels her excuse has been accepted as Jessica looks pacified at her words, and then a little outraged.

"Are you serious?" She says. "Who's the jerk? I can't believe someone would to that to you on your first day!" And possibly stall the beautiful popularity you're generating, Jess thinks privately.

Bella hesitates, as she didn't know if the dickhead was friends with Jess. But really, she debates, was it really so bad if Jessica doesn't want to be her friend anymore? Plus, Bella was sure that extended contact with Jess would earn the pretty midget a stab in the eye.

"His name's Mike," Bella says. "I don't know his last name. Blonde hair, blue eyes…?" Apparently, the further description was unnecessary, as Jess's eyes immediately lit up with recognition the moment Bella uttered his name.

"You bitch!" Jessica glares, in her eyes: the passion of a thousand burning suns. I can't believe she'd make up such utter bullshit, she fumed. Not only boring, but also a fucking skank.

Jess makes some kind of choking – slash – coughing noise, as her anger seems to literally claw its way up her throat, and probably aimed at burning my face off, Bella thinks. If Jessica transforms into the first ever dragon known to man, I might have to change my opinion of her. Man, that would be cool, Bella muses. Maybe she's already laid eggs, and Mike is the father, as Jess seems quite protective of him for some reason. But that would mean Mike is a dragon too. Maybe everyone in this school is a dragon, and I've stumbled onto the most well-kept secret in the history of the universe, she thinks. But Bella's thoughts digress, as this is not very likely, though it would be fucking awesome if it were true. Even if it would result in her death, as Jessica being a dragon would mean that Bella was about to be turned into a pile of cinders.

But Jess didn't end up spitting fire at Bella, and instead, ended up looking like a red-faced idiot, which was kind of anti-climactic in Bella's opinion. Her arms had progressed to her sides and were lying by her ribs stiffly, her hands coiled into fists, her stare: deathly. The phrase _if looks could kill_ drifted into Bella's mind.

Jessica finally realizes what she must look like and rushes out of the library, after whispering another 'bitch' at her new nemesis, leaving Bella quite bemused. What was that all about?

Bella didn't realize that she had asked this out loud, until she hears a small, soprano chuckle behind her chair. Bella turns towards the source of the sound, thinking that the sound was similar to the sound of a bell ringing, combined with an orgy of singing siren women, calling to her seductively. Bella wonders if she should worry about her own sexuality, as the origin of the laugh is a small girl with pixie like features and hair the color of ravens, spiked in every direction.

"That, my friend, is the QB." The girl pauses, "QB, in case you're wondering, stands for Queen Bee." She pauses again, dramatically, "Which further abbreviates," pause, "to Queen Bitch," she lifts her pale hand to her mouth in mock horror.

Bella laughs, asking, "Isn't that a little excessive? What's wrong with just one abbreviation?"

"Of course it's not excessive," the mystery girl replies jovially, while shifting herself so she was towering above Bella, her face right above the new girl's. "Variation is imperative! The more the merrier!"

Bella realizes the girl wasn't just referring to the acronym, but also to her. Was this the niche of nonconformity, finally presenting itself to Bella?

"I agree," Bella smiles minutely. The girl smiles back and steps back down so she was at her normal short height, making Bella feel like she has finally connected with someone, for the first time in her life.

Mystery, as Bella is now calling her in her mind since she has no clue who the girl is, walks around to the front of Bella and sits on the floor near her feet. She sees the book haphazardly shoved into Bella's backpack and snorts, exclaiming, "Nightlight? Really? Aren't you a little more discerning?" The spark was still alive in Mystery's eyes, which were now directed at Bella, but it was now sixty-nine-ing with a glint of disappointment. Bella argues with herself quickly and decides that she will indeed quash that glint and befriend Mystery, forsaking her usually preferred solitude.

"Nope. My mom's making me read it. She absolutely _adores _it," Bella enunciates every syllable of the word, causing Mystery's smile to widen and the edge in her eyes to disappear.

Bella takes a further leap and introduces herself. "I'm Bella," She leans forward to shake the girl's hand, not wanting to sit awkwardly.

"I didn't know teens still shook hands," Mystery says, her statement accompanied with a giggle. "Of course you're Bella, you'd have to be living under a rock, in Antarctica, not to know that. I'm Alice," she takes Bella's hand and shakes it, cementing the new friendship. Their eyes meet.

"Welcome," Alice hisses, "to The Others."

**Reviews make QB spit fire. In coming chapters…maybe a certain bronze-haired boy will make an appearance.**

**P.S – that last line was a reference to The Simpsons.**


	4. Vag Tingles

_So many_  
_Bright lights to cast a shadow_  
_But can I speak?_  
_Well is it hard understanding_  
_I'm incomplete_  
_A life that's so demanding_  
_I get so weak_  
_A love that's so demanding_  
_I can't speak_

_-_Famous Last Words (My Chemical Romance)

FOUR:

Bella is feeling pretty satisfied with herself as she strolls to her next class, Biology. After picking up some books from her locker she heads into the room, where most people are sitting on each other's desks, chatting to each other, or scribbling nonsense into their books. Weird, Bella thinks. I was sure I'd be late with all the fucking around I'd done with Alice.

_Alice_, Bella hugs herself with a smile on her face. Not that she has romantic feelings towards her, but Bella is so glad to finally have someone she can relate to. Even if Alice's spikes are gelled so thickly and pointedly they would really hurt if used as a dagger. Pretty good technique, Bella thinks. No one would suspect the hair…

As Bella glances around the room trying to ignore the stares she was receiving, she notices there is only one place left, an empty desk. If I ignore what happened with Jess and Mike, Bella notes, this is definitely the best day ever.

She sits down and splays her stuff all over the desk after she gets everything out of her bag, and starts doodling on a random page. Bella is not a great artist, but she cannot stop herself from doodling when there is something nearby to doodle on. She starts drawing something that looks like a vampire; to commemorate how her friendship began, as one of the first things Alice and Bella did after shaking hands was joke about _Nightlight._

She was shading in the piano when the sound of a stool scraping next to her alerts her to the presence of a student. She tries to nonchalantly peek through her hair to see the person disturbing her, but all she can see is a hood covering what looks like a male form. _Aw, I thought it might have been Alice sneaking in._

Bella moves her belongings to her side of the desk as the stranger unceremoniously dumps his on his half. He doesn't glance up at her which is refreshing, though worrying. Maybe he's heard how plain I am, Bella thinks. Or perhaps he's one of Queen Bee's bitches and has heard of my alleged lies. Though Bella hasn't been enjoying her newfound popularity, losing it so quickly still burns.

"Wallflowering time," she mutters. At least she has Alice.

She focuses her concentration back onto her doodle, which is forming up nicely. She colors the fangs of all of the vampires green to add some pizzazz, and as she finishes her coloring, the teacher, who's name is Mr Banner according to his words on the whiteboard, begins his lecture. Today all classes have been the same - introductory, because it was the first day - so Bella doesn't feel that she's missing anything by blocking out the bald and fat science teacher.

The stranger next to Bella lets out a low snort of derision. "Vampires?" he asks. Bella assumes this question is directed at her. She turns to him and sees him looking at her.

"No, donkey balls," Bella retorts, a corner of her lips curving, noticing the brilliant green of his eyes. "Of course they're vampires, do you have something against them?"

"Not at all," he gives a small smile. "They just don't look like your average vampires-next-door. Why are they around a piano? Dancing?"

"It's a long story."

Mr Banner interrupts their budding conversation, telling them to be quiet. The two disrupters shut up and go back to what they were doing – Bella to her drawing, and the stranger, to looking bored and giving quick glances at the new girl.

Bella's heart was frantically pounding. Its tattoo hurt slightly, and felt like it would beat right out of her chest, go to wherever Jessica was and knock her out, spewing heart-goo all over her. Well, Bella thinks, that's probably wishful thinking, but still. She imagines the girly squeal Jessica would give, and how Mike would jump in front of her to take the brunt of the heart-beating. No, he probably wouldn't Bella muses. Mike's a cowardly kind of guy.

The reason Bella's heart was beating so fast and loud was sitting right next to her. This guy was giving her legitimate vag tingles, intense ones. Bella has never gotten them before, and she is very startled to be getting them now. She only got a quick look at the guy when they were talking, and her body is reacting this violently? Though, to be fair, her body does have cause. His eyes and delicate bone structure have very powerful captivating abilities. Bella wonders how much action he must get if only a look can cause panties to drop. Hers probably just went through the floor, dropping onto some unlucky persons head in the class underneath her.

A note floats in front of her, in the form of a paper aeroplane. What is it with these guys and notes, Bella ponders. Well, at least this guy is more creative. The words _Vampire Airways _are scribbled onto one of the wings, with sparkles around them. Bella smirks.

_Don't fuck with my sister_, it says.

What the fuck?

_What the fuck, _Bella writes back.

After a few minutes of ignoring Bella's reply, the guy finally gives in and scribbles something onto the paper before throwing it before Bella again.

_I couldn't resist spicing up the note, but seriously. Don't fuck with Alice_

Bella stares at the boy with fascination, despite the harsh words of the note. Alice has a brother? And he gives me intense tingles threw my vertical lips? Further knowledge must be gathered.

_Why would I? I think she's awesome_

When Bella slides the paper back she feels a hint of embarrassment – perhaps it was too soon to tell your best friend's brother that you think his sister is awesome, after all, she'd only known Alice for an hour. At least she didn't tell him she thinks Alice is her best friend. Bella is snapped out of her thoughts by the sensation of the note brushing her elbow. She had been in thought for a few minutes, so Bella knows the message would be lengthy.

_There have been a fuckton of city girls before you, Bella. Alice pours her heart out to them all and becomes good friends with them, giving each a part of her soul. Those parts of her soul die when they inevitably ditch her for one of the QBs. Stay away from her, I'm fucking sick of it_

The first emotion Bella feels when reading this note was relief. Relief that Alice had told her what QB stood for, so she didn't feel like an idiot and have to ask the boy what it meant. God forbid she had mistaken it for quarterback; that would have made no sense. The second emotion she feels is confusion, how did he even know Alice and Bella were friends? And the third, disgust. Disgust at all of those girls who used Alice so cruelly because Alice was fucking amazing, but also disgust at her brother for judging her so quickly. Another of her pet peeves was to be lumped with everyone else – Bella constantly strives to be different; unique. Snowflakes have it all, Bella often thinks. She also hated being judged, especially on the basis of assumed knowledge, which relates to one of the peeves mentioned before. One of the key things to follow in life, Bella thinks, is never to assume.

These emotions cause Bella to promptly rip up the note and scatter the remains onto the floor behind her. She doesn't glance back at Alice's brother who she was sure was looking at her weirdly, because she didn't give a shit. There was no way she was going to stay away from Alice, but wariness had instated itself within her of her brother. Bella closes her book and therefore the picture of the vampires. Instead of doodling, she decides to listen to Mr Banner, trying to forget about the vag-tingle-inciting man candy next to her.

Said man candy had apparently chosen to do the same thing, as she didn't hear a peep from him for the rest of the class. When the bell rings, Alice's brother collects his things and is out of the room before anyone, leaving Bella to her thoughts, which are currently attempting to divert from his lingering scent.

Bella's last class is Gym, which results in an internal groan. She hasn't done any P.E for a while because it isn't mandatory for all four years in Phoenix. Though of course, in bumfuck nowhere towns, normal rules don't apply, including the rules about not being a complete dick to the new girl – something that has now happened to Bella on two separate occasions. Fuck my life, she exclaims to herself.

Gym passes mostly without incident, except for Mike's sporadic taunts. He couldn't do anything worse since Coach Clapp was staring at everyone with the eyes of a hawk. Apparently, most dramas in Forks High were worked out through the sports in Gym – if dodge ball was being played, the two people involved in the drama would throw the balls at each other. If the chosen sport was tennis, the two nemesis's would direct their tennis balls at each other's heads. Unfortunately for them, Coach Clapp eventually caught on to this, and now watches every student with great prejudice.

Though just because nothing had happened, doesn't mean Bella had enjoyed herself. She wishes that the sport of volleyball was a person so she could shoot him or her with a wooden bow and arrow, her preferred method of imaginary murdering. Or maybe she can upgrade to steel arrows. This is the twenty-first century after all, Bella thinks.

Bella walks to the parking lot neutrally, after changing out of the uniform Coach Clapp had given her. Not with a spring in her step as shit had happened, but not with a slump in her shoulders because some of that shit was positive. Bella was happy when she saw Max, the big red army tank that would never give her any surprises. "Hey Max," Bella whispers to him, "Time to go home."

Bella climbs into the truck without much grace; she desperately wants to go home. But before Bella can drive off, there is a knock at the driver's side window. Bella unrolls it manually – this was a _very _old truck, no high tech hoopla for Max – to find Jessica. _UGH_

"Look Bella, I asked Mike if he was a jerk to you, and he said no," she scowls, trying to look intimidating. Bella thinks she looks constipated.

"He only wanted you to come sit with us, the same thing I wanted! He was one of the guys I wanted you to meet!" Jessica exclaims. Bella is tired of her.

"Don't you ignore me – "Jessica says the last few words as Bella rolls the window back up, the pitch of her voice getting higher and higher as the window comes between her and Bella. Bella grins malevolently.

Bella sees the bitch brother staring at her as she drives off, Alice standing next to him and waving frantically at her. Bella smiles back weakly and continues her path out of the parking lot, thinking about getting home and having a large glass of chocolate milk. It never fails to get her mood up.

Bella slightly rolls down her window again to get some fresh air into Max as it's too stuffy, and hears a conversation between Mike and Tyler – one of Mike's thugs who had asked her annoying questions in one of her classes.

"Tyler, dude, where's your school spirit man?"

"Maybe I'd have some if the school gave us spirits," Tyler jokes, receiving a high-five from Mike. Typical, Bella scowls.

Bella gives Renee a glossed over explanation of her day when she enters the house, pouring herself a glass of chocolate milk in a possibly clean mug in the kitchen and chugging it like there was no tomorrow. While drinking it Bella fervently hopes that when she turns twenty-one she won't be substituting it for vodka.

Her dreams are filled with demons staring at her until her skin catches fire, majestic dolphins slapping her face with their tails and pink-haired pixies looking at her with heartbroken eyes. When Bella wakes up, she wonders if these are premonitions.

Bella believes in symbolic dreams, as well as in superstitions and magic, for isn't it horrendously depressing to believe that what you see is all there is to life?

**Reviews make Mike get a ball in the face.**


	5. An Invitation

**Apologies for the long(ish) wait. Hope this appeases. I've already started on the next chapter, so I doubt I'll take much time to update.**

_And the worst part is  
Before it gets any better  
We're headed for a cliff  
And in the free fall  
I will realize I'm better off  
When I hit the bottom_

-Turn It Off (Paramore)

FIVE:

The next morning is filled with oppressing swirls of grey in the sky, slippery roads and sopping hair. Somehow Bella becomes drenched in rain even with three layers on, but no matter. She has a friend to complain about it to, and she also has her favourite Spongebob shirt on too, which brightens up her day. In some aspects of her life Bella is very mature, but in others…not so much. But the fact is that she would defend Spongebob like a lioness and her cub, as the knowledge and infinite wisdom he gives out gives Bella solace. He is a way to connect with her old life – the happy times.

School passes by slowly and not a lot of thought is required of Bella, so she spends most of her time daydreaming and listening to _Space Bound_ by Eminem. She couldn't identify with the lyrics, but she wished to. Heartbreak meant that she had been in love, experienced the wonders of it, felt the intense need for someone and had that need requited at some point...

A few boring lessons and several altercations with Jess and Mike later, Bella is free to go home – or more accurately, to Alice's home. Alice invited her at the end of Trig, which the two had together. Alice offers Bella a ride but, for one, Bella doesn't want to leave her truck in the school parking lot, and two, Alice hitches a ride with her brother to school every day. If there was one thing Bella didn't want to do, it was sit in a car with that guy for any amount of time. Ever.

In the end, Alice ended up riding with Bella and giving her directions to her house, after stopping at Bella's house for a minute so Bella could drop off her stuff and tell Renee her plans.

Great, alone time, Renee thinks when Bella tells her. Renee quickly got a job as a receptionist at the Forks Police Department and is never left alone by the men there, especially by the over-enthusiastic Chief of Police Charlie Dwyer. He has a cute moustache, Renee often thinks, but she's doesn't feel ready for a relationship so soon after… the event. After she waves off Bella and her new friend, who Renee thinks could be trouble, Renee gets her keys and drives off to Thriftway to get a bottle of cheap wine.

* * *

"Just down here," Alice says and points to a path which is barely visible due to the trees and shrubbery around it.

"Dude, you live in the middle of nowhere," Bella states. If you drove for twenty minutes in Forks in any direction you'd be driving right out of the small town – it took almost double that to get to Alice's house. It also seems like Alice lives in a forest, there are no obvious signs of civilisation to be seen and Bella is quite sure she sighted a squirrel, and maybe even a fox.

"Aren't you afraid of being mauled by a bear out here?" she asks.

Alice snorts. "Yeah, I would be – take a right here – but my dad is nuts about hunting so we all know how to evade one if it happens."

"Has it ever happened?"

"Yeah, to Edward. He has a wicked scar to prove it."

So Edward was his name. Bella thinks the name suits the dick, and also wonders at the location of the scar. Bella enjoys herself for a few seconds, imagining herself looking for it.

"Shit, man," Bella replies, not knowing what else to say.

Bella thinks about the hunting-crazy father. Bella hated the idea of hunting – the needless killing of animals never made sense to her. If she thought it would make a difference Bella would be a vegetarian, but since the animals are going to get killed anyway, she doesn't see the point of refraining. She has the same opinion of the paparazzi – Bella feels sorry for all of the celebrities who have to put up with the constant shit of the paparazzi, but since the paparazzi aren't going to mend their ways just because Bella stops reading about the celeb's, she continues to read. They're lives really can be quite interesting.

A huge white house comes into Bella's view and makes her gasp in envy – it was a three-storeyed beauty, with large windows, similar to her own home, and also a chimney – Bella always wanted a fireplace. They seem to be the essence of cozyness.

"Gasping in envy?" Alice asks Bella.

"Fuck yeah," Bella retorts. "Why aren't you gasping in wonder at your luck?"

"Guess I'm used to it."

Bella wonders if Alice takes her situation for granted. Bella wouldn't wish her circumstance on anyone, but sometimes, she longs for other people who share her pain. But Bella doesn't think it'd be wise to start resenting Alice just because her life didn't suck.

After leaving Max in front of the mansion the pair stroll in, leisurely, after admiring the plants surrounding the porch. Alice explains to Bella that her mom likes to garden to fill up her time as she doesn't work. Ironically, after Bella asks Alice what her favourite flower is, she says roses.

"But you've probably got a shitton of knowledge about all kinds of flowers!"

"Yeah, but roses are a classic."

Alice's mom sees Bella and Alice and comes up to introduce herself, telling Bella to call her Esme and to stay for dinner if she wished to. Bella gives an unsure nod and follows Alice, who has gone into the mansion. Bella wonders what it would be like to be one of the beautiful people, as she as sure Alice's family know themselves as since they're all so frickin' hot, Esme included.

Alice gives Bella a quick tour, showing her all of the rooms downstairs before leading her to her room upstairs, carefully avoiding a closed door. "That's Edward's room. He gets grouchy when people are over – so we have to be SUPER QUIET!" Alice yells the last two words, provoking an equally loud 'fuck you' from inside the room, causing the pixie to grin. Bella wonders if Edward told his sister about his hatred of her - "But you'll get to meet him soon enough," - probably not.

"He knows who you are though, I told him about you right after lunch when I bumped into him." That explains how he knew about their friendship.

'God Alice, your house is so cool. Where do you get all of this stuff?" Bella asks. There were random knick knacks around – a beautiful Murano glass vase, some glass animals, random paintings – most of them naked women.

'We go to Europe a lot and always come back with a whole ton of shit." Expensive looking shit, Bella thinks.

'My room!" Alice squeals after leading Bella down a long corridor, opening a door which had a sign saying 'WATCH OUT – THIS ROOM IS HOME TO AWESOMENESS" on it. Bella smirks at it. "Don't laugh at the merchandise," Alice chides.

The room was probably the size of Bella's entire house, but the most notable thing about it was its walls. Huge red, silver and black dragons were painted all over them, as well as faeries, trolls and every other mystical thing anyone could imagine. 'Fuck me dead," Bella exclaims.

'Uh, yeah, I'm sort of obsessed with this kind of art," Alice pauses, looking around at her walls, proudly. "I want to be a tattoo artist when I'm out of school, maybe doing some freelance paintings on the side."

Bella was almost in shock – she pictured Alice as frivolous, without any serious life goals, and perhaps obsessed with shopping. But Bella was going to check, just in case. "So Alice – no walk-in closet?"

"Pssh, I'm not some cliché brat who spends all of her parents cash on clothes," Alice looks affronted, then mischievous, "I spend all of it on paint." Bella smiles, happy with the discoveries she's made about her new friend, though the tattoo thing was kind of out there in Bella's opinion.

The pair sit down and lie back on Alice's dark blue couch, and after a few seconds Alice sighs and swats at Bella's hair, saying, "I'm so jealous of your hair Bella – I just don't have the patience to grow out mine. My do options are so limited!" Alice curls some of her own hair with her fingers, giving Bella a glance of one of her ears. Which were completely lined with metal studs and hoops. Bella counts seven. Alice notices Bella's stare and says, "Yeah I know. I like piercings." No shit.

"My tattoo shop's going to have a few piercing rooms too, and we're going to do everything – ears, noses, lips, clits…" Bella's upbringing wasn't quite sheltered, but she was still bewildered at what she was hearing. Renee barely let Bella have a lobe piercing on both of her ears, let alone in those other places. And Bella is quite sure she'd be disowned if she got a tattoo.

Alice chuckles nervously, "Sorry Bella, I get carried away with this shit. They're my dreams, y'know? Sometimes they're all you've got…' Alice casts her eyes to the floor and looks strangely vulnerable, tugging at Bella's heartstrings. It should be a crime to crush a pixie's spirit, which Bella had done unintentionally.

"No no," Bella reassures her, "I just wasn't expecting it, but I think it's amazing. I have no idea about my future." Bella thought once that she could write, but she hadn't gotten a huge amount of praise for her work, not that she'd shown many people. Still, Bella didn't feel that she had a chance of getting published – she just didn't have the guts to get her writing out there.

"Well, in that case!" Alice gets hyped up quickly and walks over to her bed, reaches under and pulls out several folders. "These are my ideas."

The next few hours were spent gushing over Alice's creations – and yes, they were _extraordinarily _gush-worthy. The texture and detail on all of the pieces would have taken Alice an unimaginable amount of time. Bella wonders how long Alice has been filling up her folders and been certain about her career path – she had to have made the decision from an early age. Bella envies Alice her surety.

In between folders they spend about half an hour talking about bullshit – books, movies, music and people. Bella remembered that Edward had written _QBs _in The Derogatory Note_, _a plural, and Bella was puzzled to why there was more than one Queen Bitch. But she was struggling to find a way to ask Alice about it without giving away her conversation with Edward.

"So Al," she begins, 'is Jess the worst chick in the school? Because if so, it seems life around Forks is pretty tame," not that Bella hadn't received that impression already.

"Oh no," Alice replies, "There are other Queen Bee's. I guess you haven't met them yet or you would have known. Let's see… Stay away from Bree Tanner, Lauren Mallory, and for god's sakes stay away from Tanya Denali. It's like she's a fucking vampire Bella, I'm serious," Alice looks at Bella seriously. "She has teeth, and you do not want her to bite you." Bella thinks she can stand up to some prissy bitch, but she'd heed Alice's warning anyway.

"Okay Alice. Stay away from the vampire, gotcha. I just hope she's doesn't sparkle." They both erupt into laughter.

"I suppose she really should be the only Queen Bee," Alice says once she has recovered, "but it just saves effort to stick 'em all with the same label. Princess Bitch is sort of a mouthful. And we don't want them to feel special by having their own personal nicknames," Alice smiles, "it defeats the purpose of it."

After a while Esme yells up the stairs and asks if Bella will stay for dinner. Alice looks at Bella hopefully, not wanting to part with her friend. Bella is ambivalent – she's having fun with Alice, but family situations make her uncomfortable. Furthermore, Bella is beginning to long for her normal solitude, where she doesn't have to watch her responses and thoughts.

"Sorry Al, I better go home. Homework and all," Bella gives a weak shrug, hoping that she didn't offend Alice.

Alice looks disappointed but not hurt, "Alright. I'll walk you to the door."

As the two pass the room of He Who Must Not Be Named, said You Know Who comes out of the door, glaring at Bella. Sexily. His hair is sticking out in every direction and he's wearing a simple tee with sweatpants. Bella tells her inner lust demon to fuck off.

"Leaving?" he asks Bella rudely, rocking onto the balls of his feet, "training for future abandonments?" Edward looks determined to cause some conflict, or at least sure that his statement will cause Bella to run.

Bella gives Edward a 'what the fuck' look, disbelieving that he could be having this conversation with her in front of Alice.

"Edward, what are you talking about?" Alice asks, confused. "Who would she abandon?"

When it becomes obvious that Edward isn't going to answer, Alice gives up with a small huff and says, "By the way, this is Bella, though you seem to know her already. Bella, my brother Edward, who is being a complete ass right now for no reason," she finishes, pointedly.

Edward's glare lessens slightly before he stomps off downstairs, leaving the two friends to stare at each other, a furious blush working it's way up Bella's cleavage. Bella doesn't usually blush – it's not her thing – but her body felt that it was necessary in this case. Even though she wouldn't abandon Alice, Bella still feels embarrassed at the thought of it.

"I have no idea what he was on about," Bella states breezily.

Alice scrutinizes Bella for a minute before making a decision to leave it. "Whatever. He's a weirdo in general," Alice replies, a smile replacing her puzzled frown. Bella is relieved that Alice didn't dwell on her brother's strange behaviour.

Bella says goodbye to Alice at the door and piles into Max, grateful to be enjoying her own company once again. Once she is sure she remembers the way back, she starts the truck.

It was around seven and pitch dark, but there were lampposts illuminating the road. The darkness helps Bella embrace her mood – fucking depressed. Even thinking about family situations triggers her, and it leaves her pissed off with herself. But the sadness deluges the anger and leaves her feeling like she's in a gaping pit of alone.

The tears eventually blur Bella's vision too much and she is forced to pull over on the side of the road. She rests her head on the steering wheel and tries to get in control of herself, but she can't. Her life changed too fast, too soon, and Renee is absolutely no help. Renee has inverted into herself so far that she is no longer approachable unless the issue is superfluous. At seventeen Bella doesn't feel equipped to handle her and her mother's grief alone, she needs guidance. But she has no one to guide her, and therefore she feels like her life is screwed. If things don't change soon, Bella feels that something dangerous may happen.

* * *

On the night of the twenty-first of May two thousand and ten, an Arizona housewife told her husband she was leaving him. She could take his abuse herself, but she would not stand him hitting her children. The wife had already packed her and her children's bags and was ready to leave as soon as she told her husband. After she delivered the news she left the small house with her kids, the two twins looking tearful and confused.

The father on the other hand was looking murderous. He got out his six pack from the refrigerator and chugged until there was nothing left but empty bottles. A bottle of scotch later, the lonely husband got into his car and went to seek out his wife and children, sure that they was staying at a local hotel. Unfortunately he was drunk out of his mind so in reality he had no idea where he was going, but his bleary brain told him that the car with the two women and man in it in front of him was indeed his family, so he sped up to catch them. But his perception was off, and he ended up crashing into them, due to the ridiculous speed at which he was driving at.

Two people escaped with minor injuries that night. Two people died. The distraught husband, and one Phillip Swan. The two survivors were identified as Renee and Bella Swan, relatives of one of the deceased.

**I'm sorry I lied about the ball in the face. But still, reviews will make me go omnomnom.**


	6. The Hatred Lessens

**Warning: some angst will be felt. Told you the update wouldn't take long.**

_Is anybody out there?  
It feels like I'm talkin' to myself  
No one seems to know my struggle  
And everything I come from  
Can anybody hear me?  
It guess I keep talkin' to myself  
It feels like I'm going insane  
Am I the one whose crazy?_

-Talkin' 2 Myself (Eminem)_  
__  
_

SIX:

The lights are off at the Swan residence when Bella arrives, causing relief to run through her at the thought of Renee not seeing Bella's tear-stained face. A quick glance in the rear-view mirror tells Bella that her tears completely fucked up her eyeliner, which now consists of two big black splotches around her eyes. Renee would scream her head off, thinking Bella had just been run over by a train or something, Bella thinks grimly.

When she creaks open the door slowly as to not reveal her presence to Renee – the house is so small that any sound in the quiet will reverberate off the walls and into the ears of anyone inside – she finds her mother on the couch in front of the television, staring into the window, into the night. An empty glass is on the newly bought wood coffee table with an equally empty bottle next to it, which closer inspection shows to be wine. All of the lights are off and the colors of the show Renee isn't watching reflect back onto the walls, creating an eerie atmosphere.

Some feeling passes through Bella's chest that she can't identify – she just knows it hurt like fuck. It was like a vicious vampire baby trying to bite it's way out of her – which she knew was a stupid ass idea, but that's how it felt.

Bella knows her mom drinks to forget all the shit that's happened to her and the grief that her husband's death causes her. Bella knows without the alcohol her mom would lose it and go completely insane because of the memories, but Bella needs her. Bella can't help but think she's fucking alone in the world, with no one to protect her from the depression that claws at her daily. She doesn't have anything to combat it; nothing to flush it out of her system or to tell it to fuck off.

Sometimes the depression is truly fucked up – it feels like her friend. Sometimes Bella personifies it and just thinks of it as 'The Depression' in her head, as if it was a physical manifestation. Well, she thinks, it's better than THE BIG BLACK HOLE THAT USED TO BE MY SOUL, which she feels is a touch melodramatic though true.

But The Depression is all she has sometimes. Bella knows that most depressed people numb themselves with drugs but Bella believes it's only a temporary release, and anyway, she's scared of feeling empty; numb. The dependence is also a problem – Bella knows that when you're dependant on anything it has the power to screw you over. Just like she was dependant on her parents, her friends, her awesome house, cat and possessions, which were all ripped away from her. Now Bella feels totally lost and she can't help but think that if she had nothing in the first place then the pain wouldn't be so bad. That she would have a better chance to live through this.

The numbness though is the main reason why Bella is afraid to go on anti-depressants. She just wouldn't feel human without feeling shit, even if it's bad shit, and Bella thinks that being numb would never allow her to recover and would just cause her to be in a continuous state of limbo for the rest of her life. So she'd rather embrace the dark than reject it and live in the grey. And it is the only thing she really has, the only constant in her life, which is why sometimes it feels like her friend. So far Bella only thinks of it as a sort of presence in her life – she hopes she doesn't go as far as making an emo imaginary friend who walks around moaning like a ghost all of the time. That would be a bit weird.

Bella also can't bear telling Renee about it. Her mother has been pretty much ignoring Bella's grief. Not that Renee is careless or negligent, she'd just rather pretend it wasn't there. So Bella feels that informing Renee that her daughter had depression would shock her too badly. Renee didn't need any more shocks, that Bella knew for sure. But all of this has left Bella quite incapable to deal with her thoughts.

All of this runs through Bella's mind when she sees her mother and the wine. Her drinking dredges up everything, Bella detests it so incredibly. Alcohol turns Renee into something strange – she becomes falsely cheery and happy and her façade never fails to transform Bella's mood instantly. Bella didn't know why – she supposes that Renee being happy, even if it wasn't real, was better than her being sad. But Bella can't stand anything fake, and she knew that Drunk Renee wasn't the Real Renee. This is why Bella didn't like to wear a lot of make up or why she didn't do her hair nicely or whatever. It was all an illusion, and Bella can't fucking stand it. Unfortunately, Bella was seeing Drunk Renee more and more lately. Bella is afraid that someday Drunk Renee will overtake Real Renee, until the real will only be a small ball of light in the midst of an overwhelming haze of alcohol, and Bella's real mother will be lost to her forever, just like her father.

"Hey honey," Renee says to Bella, without turning around. She only calls Bella 'honey' when she's been drinking. Bella ignores the greeting and proceeds to her room. She supposes it's wrong, but Bella doesn't really treat her mother like a human being when she's drunk. To her, she wasn't. Bella tries to lessen the blow by delivering a small, unauthentic smile, which of course Renee doesn't see. "G'night," Renee breathes, continuing to stare aimlessly through the window. The corners of Bella's lips turn back down.

Bella forgets about the echo of the house and punches the wall of her room when she reaches it. Fucking hard. It hurts her knuckles like a motherfucker and Bella curses herself for it, going to the miniscule bathroom to wash her hand. Renee either doesn't hear the sound or doesn't care - most likely the latter as the former was pretty much impossible – because she doesn't comment on the noise. In general, Bella is afraid of pain or she would have probably been cutting herself a long time ago, but sometimes she likes to punch things. Once she crushed her favourite porcelain doll by pushing it off her desk in a fit of anger. Bella learnt her lesson from that and now prefers to take out her anger on things that wouldn't break. She likes her stuff.

In the bathroom Bella stares intensely at the mirror hanging above the sink, ignoring the throbbing in her fingers. Her heart-shaped face, deep brown eyes and small, slightly full lips annoy her, as do her freckles and few pimples. When she is in this mood she abhors herself and how she looks like. A week or two ago she got her scissors and hacked off some of her hair just to change herself a little. Bella didn't have the courage to cut it short, she only did an inch or two. The urge to do more tugs at her though, her average brown hair that hangs limply bores her. But Bella was relieved when Alice didn't notice her uneven hair when she commented on it, as Bella doesn't want to explain all the shit to her yet. In a sadistic way, Bella enjoys fucking herself up, even if it is only her hair. She didn't want her new friend to know that side of her yet.

Bella decides to finish an emo poem she started a little while ago instead of trying to sleep – she knows that attempting to would only cause her to relive memories. She really didn't need that. Bella gets out her notebook, labelled with a bright pink sharpie: 'fluffy pink thoughts of kittens and flowers'. Yeah, a joke to herself. Bella flips the book open to the page and begins to scrawl and edit.

_Most do not grasp the fleeting nature of life,__  
It is a fiend who is fickle who can cause much strife.  
One flick of a match while doused in gasoline,  
And like a cat consuming cream, the fire will careen  
Before being extinguished, alongside the spark of life.  
The light in the eyes, the laughter twitching at the lips,  
__Will be lost forever more, an erosion of memories to eclipse  
The horrors of the earth, the vulgarity of a pole dancer's tits._

Satisfied with it after half an hour or an hour, she gets up to change into a ratty shirt and pants, brush her teeth, and collapse into bed to sleep like the dead – a phrase Bella never understood. How can the dead sleep? They're dead. Conundrums, conundrums…

When Bella wakes up due to her alarm the next morning she feels depressed out of her mind. Bella had had a dream where her father was still alive – yet something wasn't quite right about him, he wasn't acting as he usually does, talking like he usually would. Yet Bella still believed it was real, after all, when dreaming, one usually doesn't know they're dreaming. So after a few hours of believing her dad was back with her and finding out it wasn't true, Bella isn't feeling like sunshine. Though, she sighs at herself, it was her own fault. She had known the night's events would make her have shitty dreams.

After doing her mourning routine and glancing at Renee to find her passed out on the same spot of the couch she was sitting on last night, Bella walks out of the house quickly and jumps and into Max, eager to get into the warmth of the cab. The clouds are still as grey as the previous day and cheer Bella up, marginally, for some reason.

But when she comes into the now-familiar school parking lot her day gets worse – the bitch brother is leaning against his stupid shiny car, which is a Volvo. Stupid shiny Volvo owner, Bella thinks viciously in her head. The anger radiating off the guy was pissing her off – he was mad at her for something he assumes she would do in the future. Fuck. It was like a woman dreaming her boyfriend would cheat on her, waking up and slapping the boyfriend. Bella smiles at the confusion the imaginary boyfriend would experience. Still though, Edward was really adding to her crappy mood.

"Chillax dude, imagine him making his 'O' face and you'll be fine," Bella imagines Alice saying. She says a lot of shit like that. Unfortunately though, imagining Edward's 'O' face certainly makes her feel something, just not 'chillaxed'.

When Bella feels that she has calmed down enough she gets out and makes a beeline for the library – in her rush to get away from Renee she has managed to come to school pretty early, and since The Bitch Brother was here then Alice had to be around. Though Bella was still in a black mood, she felt that Alice would lessen it.

Bella focuses all of her attention on avoiding eye contact with Edward, and in turn nearly jumps out of her close-to-translucent skin when she receives a light tap on her shoulder. When she twirls around to see the offender she finds it to be the hater, to her displeasure. Bella only just restrains herself from baring her teeth, though she does accidentally let out a light growl.

"Did you just growl at me?" he asks. His eyes look anything but innocent. The prominent feeling seems to be amusement.

"Fuck off Edward, I don't need any of your shit today," Bella replies, irate.

He has the decency to look ashamed, even if only a little.

"Look Bella," he starts, tugging on his wild hair with agitated hands, "Alice told me how you guys spent ages looking through her folders." His dialect is slow, as if he is reluctant to be having this conversation. Well, I don't want to be either, Bella thinks vengefully.

"So I've come to the conclusion that you may be okay," he says. "And thanks for not telling her about me being on your ass. She would have been on mine." Bella's mind takes the wrong tangent and starts thinking about Edward on her ass, which Edward seems to have guessed, as his next line is, "Yeah, that sort of came out wrong."

A cute blush rises up to his face and he looks bashful, staring up at Bella through his eyelashes. _Woah. _

But the blood floods out of his cheeks instantly when they feel the sharp pain of Bella's slap.

"That's for the prejudice, asshole."

Bella proceeds to hold out her hand, waiting for Edward to grab her hand and shake.

"Friends?" She says, smiling widely, her bad mood fading fast. Bella really likes slapping people. She also likes the idea of being friends with Edward, or maybe even more someday. "Though I'm not just saying this because I have your stupid blessing," her smile falters slightly. Who the fuck did he think he was.

Edward smiles lopsidedly before taking one of his hands and rubbing the cheek which had connected with Bella's hand. After a second of it his smile turns into a smirk as he says, "Fine, but don't think you'll trick me into shaking. I'm definitely staying away from your hands from now on." Bella sure hopes not. Her hands had ideas. Sexy ideas, despite the arrogance of the object of said ideas.

"But I'm still watching out for the ditching, city girl," he adds, looking at Bella seriously, and punching a big fat hole through Bella's expanding balloon of euphoria in the process. Party pooper, she thinks.

She slaps him again. "Didn't I warn you about prejudice?" she says to him, annoyed.

"Yeah, but you haven't gone through the shit Alice and I have," he retorts, his amused expression turning into one of annoyance, parallel to Bella's.

Neither of the two would back down in their staring contest, and a red mark was spreading itself around Edwards cheek, making Bella feel guilty. The anger behind the slap was mostly at the universe, not specifically at Edward. Though he had deserved it a little.

"Sorry for the slap," Bella apologises eventually apologises and looks down to the concrete, "it wasn't really at you. Though I stand by the first one."

He scrutinizes her for a moment, very similar to how Alice did, before allowing his expression soften. Edward let's out a low, "It's ok Bella," his voice soft and slow. Somehow, she didn't think his reassurance was only aimed at the slap.

Bella looks back up at Edward and see's that he is looking at her intensely, right into her eyes. Bella often notices that most people don't look into another person's eyes for more than a few seconds, so she was fascinated by Edward's boldness. Though she couldn't think a whole lot because of the blazing brilliance of the green in his eyes – they were like arrows straight into her soul. Cupid's arrows. Bella was sure that if he'd asked her at that moment, she would gladly agree to be his Psyche.

The strange thing is, Bella still feels depressed, the grief is still tugging at her heart, her worry for Renee has not ebbed. But with Edward staring at her like that, the pressure feels less intense, like a tunnel of light had opened up for her – Bella thinks there may be a way out of the dark place she is in right now. A pinprick of hope instils itself within her.

**Mmmm...Couldn't keep up the bitching for long. The sexytimes are begging to happen.**


	7. Rosalie's Dislike

**Yeah. I know. That was fucking fast. I'm proud too.**

_And all my life  
I've prayed for someone like you  
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you  
All my life  
I've prayed for someone like you  
And I hope that you feel the same way too  
Yes, I pray that you do love me too_

_-_All My Life (K-CI & Jojo)

SEVEN:

Eventually, after what seems like forever, Edward stops staring so piercingly. Bella wonders if Edward had done all of Alice's piercings, just by looking at her ears. It could happen, Bella thinks.

"I think we should go to class," he says, his voice husky. Bella supposes he is right, though she hadn't heard the bell ring. Though, she had been quite absorbed…

"Alright," she replies softly. She starts playing with her fingers as she waits for him to move, not wanting to leave until he does. After approximately twenty seconds of both of them staying stationary, Bella gives up, thinking to herself about how ridiculous they were both being. "See ya," calls to him, walking in the direction of her class and silently hoping for him to follow.

Edward seemingly snaps out of his whatever reverie he was in and bolts to Bella's side, fulfilling her wishes. Bella is delighted with his actions, and it shows on her face when Edward smiles at her sheepishly. They walk in silence until Bella reaches her English room, a little shocked that Edward had walked her to her class. "Bye Bella," he says, standing there for a moment before almost jogging to down the hall, presumably to his class. Bella walks into English and sits down at a random desk in a daze. Thinking about what he had said, how she had replied… Stop analysing, Bella scolds herself. This is what always gets the girl into shit. Just go with the flow. Bella forces herself to take her mind off Edward and onto what appears to be an incoming disaster – Jessica.

"Hey Bella, she whispers to Bella venomously, sitting next to her. Bella vehemently wishes that Jessica had fallen into a well before coming to school and therefore hadn't been able to sit next to her; she was intruding on her bubble. Though Bella doesn't really understand why she has a bubble in the first place – she knows jack shit about Edward, except that he's protective of Alice. And seems to get pissed as easily as Bella does. Don't you have to really know someone to like them? Bella is unsure, because if her vag tingles don't mean that she really likes Edward, she doesn't know what they mean. Maybe it was just lust at first sight.

"Still ignoring me, huh?" Jess elbows Bella irritatingly, causing Bella to face her.

"What to do you want?" Bella asks, warily, preparing various insults in her head just in case.

"Saw you talkin' to Cullen," she states, provoking confusion in Bella. Who's Cullen?

"Who's Cullen?" Bella questions.

Jessica sighs. "Edward, you idiot. It's his last name," she says, talking to Bella as slowly as if to a retard. Oh. "Is it ok to assume you know that the guy you were talking to's name is Edward?"

"If you don't want me to ignore you Jess, don't call me an idiot. And yes, I know his fucking name is Edward. Stop being so patronizing," Bella didn't really care enough to properly insult her – she didn't feel Jess was worth her time. And maybe if Bella didn't talk too much Jess would go away.

"Whatever. Stay away from him, he's a fucking freak." Wait. What?

"What's wrong with him?" Bella asks, curious. She didn't believe it for a second, but wanted to find out what the bitch was on about nonetheless.

"Once," Jess says, scrunching up her expression – Bella assumes she's trying to go into some sort of story-telling mode, but failing. "He punched Mike in the face. For no fucking reason." She pauses. "All Mike did was cause that bitch Rosalie a whore and Cullen went absolutely nuts. It's not like it's not true anyway."

Rosalie?

Bella's expression crumples completely, and Jess looks satisfied at crushing Bella's spirit, and though it is crushed, it's not because of what Jess thinks. Still, Jess's mood lifts significantly as she gets out of her seat and goes to sit next to her usual, non-loser friends.

Bella's mind goes into overdrive, hearing this name. This beautiful, feminine, flowery name that Bella automatically assumes belongs to Edward's girlfriend. Bella prays that this Rosalie wasn't what she thinks, but her heart tells her that she's right. Bella didn't know why she cares, but she does. Well, that's at least what the stabbing sensation in her heart is telling her. Bella thinks of the looks Edward gave her – all lies. Shit.

The rest of Bella's classes pass by in a blur, and when the bell rings, signalling the end of her last class before lunch, she debates whether to perhaps hide in the girls' bathroom until lunch is over. But in the end she feels she's being overly-dramatic about the situation – it's not like she and Edward really had anything. So she decides to go to her usual sanctuary – the library.

But on her way she is stopped by Alice, who sees her from across the hallway and rushes over to her, almost skipping. "OhmygodBellahihowareyouareyou," the pixie says, the words as one so Bella could barely make out what she was saying.

"Great," Bella lies. But she was interested at why Alice was so fucking hyper, she was practically vibrating. If she could get Alice strapped to her back, Bella could get a pretty decent massage. "Why the excitement?"

"Well-a-la-la," she replies, drawing out the word. "Firstly I had like a bazillion cups of coffee, but that's beside the point," Alice hurriedly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and starts bouncing a little. "But I finally finished one of my huge-o magnificent-o paintings this morning, and I'm just on a total high," she narrows her eyes. "Natural, of course." Alice widens her eyes again and smiles fully.

Bella grins back and tells Alice congratulations, offering to celebrate in the library.

"No way Bella! It's time for you to meet the others."

Alice grabs Bella's hand and starts pulling her to the cafeteria. Bella definitely isn't liking this – new people? She wasn't even aware Alice had any other friends. She had mentioned a boyfriend – Jason? Justin? – but not other friends. Anyway, Bella wants to sulk some more about Edward.

Suddenly, Bella is nervous. The pixie was as strong as a crane and she didn't seem to want to let go. Bella didn't think she was ready for new people looking at her and judging her, and she wasn't positive that Alice didn't sit with her brother. After Bella's discovery, she'd really rather not face him.

But it was too late; they had already entered the cafeteria.

It was just as crowded and noisy as Bella had expected, the smell of oil and grease hitting Bella's nostrils hard. Alice spots her usual table and walks to it, each step bringing Bella closer and closer to losing her shit. The process is almost in slow motion, giving Bella many chances to get away, but Alice's firm grip held her and anyway, she didn't really want to face the pixie's wrath. Small people always have big wrath. Though this didn't stop Bella from longing viciously for the library.

The two eventually come to the table and Alice pulls Bella down next to her on the bench. Edward is nowhere to be seen, but a dirty-blond haired boy is sitting next to Alice, a snarky but beautiful blonde girl is opposite Bella, and a very muscled and handsome guy, who was also wearing a friendly smile, is sitting next to the girl. Who wears an expression which is the antithesis to the guy's.

"Guys, this, is Bella Swan," Alice says to the group, while staring down the blonde. "Bella," she turns to Bella and puts her arm around the boy next to her, 'this is Jasper, my moonpie." Jasper mutters 'moonpie' under his breath before looking up at Bella and saying, 'hi,' grinning.

Alice moves on to the muscular guy by waving an arm in his direction, saying, "And that's Emmett. Don't be fooled by the body, he's a closet teddy bear." Emmett makes a face at Alice before nodding at Bella, saying, 'hey'.

"And now we come to Rosalie," Alice shifts her gaze back to the blonde and glares. "Who may or may not have PMS."

Rosalie stands up suddenly, glances sharply at Alice and then Emmett, before walking out of the cafeteria without looking back. "I better go after her," Emmett says, an apology in his eyes. "Nice meeting ya Swan."

A silence descends on the table for a few seconds, before Alice walks around to the other side of the table so she was opposite Bella, leans forward and says, "Sorry about her Bella. She's doesn't get jokes." She looks down at Jasper's tray, and starts picking at Jasper's unfinished pizza. "Poor Emmett," she whispers with a shake of her head, frowning.

Jasper snorts, "You wouldn't be saying that if you heard them going last night. I had to sleep in my car." He scrunches up his nose and turns to Bella. "I have the misfortune to be that girl's brother. I hear you're an only child. Consider yourself lucky." He turns back to Alice and reaches over the table to twirl some of her hair around his finger. "Why are you sitting so far away?"

"I didn't want us sitting all squished up," she replies, her frown disappearing when she giggles. While Jasper maneuveres his way around the table so he could sit next to Alice, a light bulb above Bella's head switches on. Rosalie? And Emmett? Assuming Rosalie isn't a cheater - though Jess did say she was a whore, not that she was going to council herself to believe anything Jess said – Edward isn't dating her. Which means Edward is single. Which means that all of the looks weren't lies. And he was available. To her.

The couple in front of her look like they completely fucking adore each other, and Bella would usually have gone running so she didn't have to put up with the goo goo eyes. But now, she would stay, she didn't care about her surroundings. A certain bronze-haired boy could show up, and she definitely wasn't missing the moment he came, because he was available. To her. The tiny bud of hope which had been previously quashed has begun to grow once again, to someday potentially become a majestic rose. Bella's mood lifts considerably.

Bella's eyes drift to the two lovers in front of her. They're talking about Alice's painting, well, Alice is talking. She's speaking so fast that Bella has no idea how Jasper was keeping up, but he looks completely sanguine. They were holding hands on the table and looking into each other's eyes, Alice's mouth moving at an incredible speed and Jasper simply nodding and smiling softly. Bella wants that with someone. Someone she could talk about anything to, and they would listen and enjoy her company, even if she was talking utter bullshit. The physical intimacy would be amazing too, but the things Bella wanted most were the small, insignificant moments that made a relationship significant.

The bell rings a few minutes later and Bella is disappointed. He never came.

Bella didn't expect him in Biology, and thinks her prediction had come true when he didn't show during Mr Banner's roll call. But five minutes later he appears, late note in hand which is shoved onto Mr Banner's desk. Edward looks like he had a rough lunch, his expression weary, and he accidentally scrapes his chair across the floor, sending a sharp screech into Bella's ear. Bella flinches and he apologises quietly.

A note flitters in front of Bella after a few minutes. _This again._

_Sorry I didn't show up at lunch, I had a little problem with Rose._

Bella guesses that 'Rose' told him about Bella sitting with them at lunch. _So he does usually sit with them. _Irrational jealousy wells up within Bella at the thought of Edward spending time with Rosalie instead of her, even though Rosalie is with Emmett. Where did my possessiveness come from, Bella wonders. I barely know the guy.

_I don't think she likes me, _Bella writes back truthfully. Though Rosalie had left after Alice's comment, she had completely ignored Bella, as if she wasn't there. Generally a signal of dislike.

Mr Banner turns to the whiteboard and begins writing up notes, which Bella in turn copies down in her notebook. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Edward's eyes on her.

"It's not that," he whispers, causing Bella to face him. "Ok, it is. She thinks you're going to join the QBs like I do." Bella looks at him hard. "Did," he amends.

"Anyway, I tried to convince her to give you a chance," he pauses for a second, "and she doesn't agree with me. But she said that she won't display any open hostility. Pretty good, right?" He smiles crookedly, which makes Bella want to smile with him. She does, though reluctantly. Two people so far have been convinced that I'm one of those fake bitches. Bella wonders what had fucked them up so badly.

Mr Banner turns back around, and so Bella is forced to go back to writing Edward notes. She grabs the already-written on paper that's lying in front of Edward.

_What has turned you guys off so badly? _

Edward seems hesitant to answer, but eventually he begins to write.

_I don't know if you know them, but there are these two skanks, Jessica and Lauren. They were both new a while ago, at separate times, and they both mooched off Alice. Eventually they discovered the other Forks' High skanks and told them everything Alice had ever said, dissed her art and her dreams. And guess what, they were both from big city places. So excuse our reluctance to let you into our inner circle. _

No wonder they were scarred. Bella's bewilderment at Rosalie's and Edward's actions fades, replaced with understanding. She decides to be a little friendlier towards them both from now on, though she'd still slightly hurt at the prejudgement, since they were all probably from completely different places.

_I know Jessica. She said that you punched Mike in the face for calling Rosalie a whore. Good job._

No need to tell him that she had also called him a freak, Bella thinks. But she was definitely giving him props for punching Mike. He probably only called Rosalie a whore for not giving up a blow job when he demanded it or something, the sleaze. Mike's insults towards Bella had become increasingly more suggestive the more Bella ignores them, and she was getting sick of them.

_Thanks. If Emmett was around he would have done it, but since he wasn't, I had to. Mike gets away with too much shit._

All of a sudden Bella realizes that Edward's not only protective of Alice, but of his friends too. She wonders if maybe he's protective of her too. She almost hopes that Mike would call her a whore just to test it out. She imagines Edward in white armour, riding upon a white horse and skewing Mike to the ground with his lance. Mm…

The class ends a while later, leaving Bella and Edward sitting awkwardly. "Do you feel like skipping class?" he asks, his eyes narrowed. "What do you have next?"

"Gym," Bella replies, her heart in her throat. She has never ditched class before, but right at this moment she _really _feels like it. Especially with Edward.

"Do you have a pressing need to play humiliating sport today?" he asks, smirking, as the answer is already written all over Bella's face.

"Fuck no."

"Let's go then, Thelma."

**Next chapter will have some good times. Maybe with an EPOV.**

**Reviews=I get better=Story gets better=Your enjoyment is enhanced. IT'S TOTALLY WIN/WIN!**


	8. Rain

**Long-time no see, but this one's a fucking long. I sort of couldn't stop, it was fun.**

_Sunday morning rain is falling  
Steal some covers share some skin  
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable  
You twist to fit the mold that I am in_

_-_Sunday Morning (Maroon 5)

EIGHT:

"Where are we going?" Bella asks. They've been walking for about ten minutes, bantering lightly as they went. But Edward hadn't told her shit about where they were going and it was making Bella nervous. He could be an axe murderer, for all she knew. Or a rapist. Or a closet _Nightlight _lover! Bella shivers slightly in horror.

"Cold?" Edward asks, neatly avoiding Bella's question.

"No. Tell me where we're going," Bella demands, getting a little irritated. Why was it such a huge secret?

"Nowhere," he replies, pausing to push back some ferns, "because we're already here."

Edward steps through the small opening he has made and holds the plants back for Bella, who walks through to find an empty field. There were beautiful flowers on the edges of it, but plain grass dominated Bella's vision.

"It's not the Garden of Eden, but there's a lot of shit you can do with this much space," he glances around the field appreciatively. "I know heaps of spots like this around Forks."

He was right. The field has a sort of calmness, and the grey clouds overhead add to that feeling. Bella has never seen so much empty space – Phoenix was crowded as hell, and she thought Forks was too small for it. Joy bubbles up in her throat – for some weird reason, Bella feels her liberty was within reach.

She starts running. A light jog at first, but it progresses to a hard sprint as she reaches near-halfway. The wind was blowing through her hair, swishing it behind her head. Adrenaline was pumping inside her and she felt free. She always ran in Phoenix and was forced to be content with the various parks and paths, constantly side-stepping other people. And in Forks, it was obviously too fucking rainy, her shitty coordination would cause her to sustain an injury almost instantly.

"Woohoo!" She yells into the glorious nothing. Bella looks back at Edward to see him walking after her, a soft smile on his face. "C'mon slow poke!" Bella starts running again, doing a semi-circle so she is running back in Edward's direction. Her momentum sends her sprawling forwards when she comes close to him – her balance was never wonderful. Bella lands on her palms and rolls onto her back, laughing her ass off.

"Man, I've never ran like that," she says, chuckles marring the words. "That was RUNNING!" she near-screams out the last word. "Yippe ka yay motherfucker!" Bella always quotes Die Hard when she feels this awesome, commemorated with a victorious fist pump.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he says, nearing her.

Edward eventually reaches her and looks down upon her. He looks like he's about to launch into the soul-searching stare again, Bella thinks. Adrenaline was still running through her veins, she feels enormous gratitude towards Edward for showing her this place. A sudden urge to kiss him pierces through her, but she pushes it back. No need to spoil the moment.

"I've always liked running," she says to him softly, as if speaking loudly would disturb the serenity of the place.

Edward sits down next to Bella, his legs bent in front of him and his palms behind him, supporting his weight.

"I've never found what all the fuss was about," he replies. "What's so fantastic about exerting yourself to near death and feeling like vomiting afterwards?"

"Sounds like you've had a bad experience," Bella smiles. "Take it slow and build up your stamina."

"Are you saying I don't have stamina?" He says, a corner of his lips going up as well as one eyebrow. Fuck, I wish I could do that, Bella thinks. But he probably only learnt by staring at himself in the mirror for hours.

"Do you practice that look in the mirror?" Her curiosity getting the better of her.

"Of course," he retorts, his smile widening. "How else would I be able to look inquisitively at people?"

"Oh, silly me," Bella says in a ridiculous English accent, smiling too and looking up to the sky. What is it about this guy that makes me want to staple a permanent grin to my face, she wonders. She turns the thought over in her head, coupled with the fact that she hardly knew him. Maybe the only way to resolve the issue is to actually get to know him.

"What's your favourite colour?" She asks, thinking that simple was the best way to begin.

"Brown," he answers.

Bella smirks, "Brown?"

"Brown," he nods. "A lot of comforting and beautiful things are brown," he looks over to her and decides to mimic her by lying down and looking at the sky.

She snickers. "So when you take a massive shit you look back at it in the toilet and think ahh, comfort?"

Edward laughs loudly, surprised by the crudeness of the comment. "Yeah. Sometimes I even see pictures in it, like people do with clouds." Bella looks to him in amusement, to find him staring at the clouds as if he is trying to see pictures in them now. She does too, and points out an elephant. He disagrees, saying it looks like a grotesque baby. They fight about it for a while, and Bella thinks, moments like these are what make life worth living.

Bella finally concedes that it looks like an ugly baby, and Edward punches the air in celebration, telling her, "Of course it does, I'm always right." Bella pushes his shoulder, to which he responds with laughter.

"So, reciprocate. What's your favourite color?" he asks when they settle down, wrapping his hands around his head. She does the same.

"Green," she blushes, hiding her expression from him. Until recently it was blue, but those eyes hypnotize her like nothing else.

He smiles slightly, saying, "Green and brown go perfectly together you know – if we learn anything from trees, it's that." Bella doesn't know how to respond to that.

They chat insignificantly about likes and dislikes – Bella adores Bruce Willis, Edward is a Schwarzenegger man. "Have you even _seen _Die hard?" Bella asks, outraged. "Bruce Willis fucking kicks ass!" He likes classical music and hip hop, she likes pop and r&b. "Ugh, you are such a girl," he says in response to her musical preferences, to which Bella replies, "Yeah, I was convinced by the vagina, but thanks for your input." He likes mystery novels, she likes stupid romances, he likes tigers, she likes dragons, he plays the piano, she is musically handicapped. But one of the things they discovered a mutual love for is the night.

"It's just so peaceful," he says, wistfully. "I feel like I can totally fuck the world."

Bella snorts. "What does fucking the world have to do with peace?"

Edward folds one of his legs over the other in contemplation, before answering the question. "True peace is when you can do anything, Bella," he says. "Think of the possibilities…" Bella would, but the way Edward had just spoken her name had rendered her incapable.

In Forks though, it is rare that rain doesn't make an appearance for an extended period of time. Unfortunately for the budding couple, it wasn't one of those rare times, and a light drizzle begins to come down onto them. It hugs the grass, as if expressing the words _I missed you._

"Oh fuck," Edward exclaims in disgust. The water has quickly melted some of the dirt on the grass into mud, which has stained his jeans. Bella laughs at his worry for his clothes. They both stand up and Bella turns her face up into the rain, welcoming the cooling wetness onto her face, while Edward wipes stray dirt and grass off his clothes. Edward looks on afterwards, puzzled. Most girls would be worried for their make-up, or they would hate the sensation on their faces. Bella, on the other hand…

"I love the rain," she says, simply.

"Why?" he asks, still confused.

"It just makes me feel like something else," Bella breathes in deeply, inhaling mostly cold air but taking small speckles of water too. "Like a water fairy or something," she says, finishing her sentence. She smiles into the wind, which has picked up its pace. Bella is quickly getting soaked but she doesn't care. She can feel the mascara pouring down her cheeks and into her mouth but it didn't matter. Sharing this moment with Edward is all that is.

Edward starts shivering lightly and pulls on Bella's arm. 'Come on, Bella. I'm too pretty to die of hypothermia," he begs. But she wasn't listening.

"Feel it, Edward." She turns her gaze to him and looks into his eyes, willing him to experience the freedom the rain brings, the change; the wonder. Without realising what she is doing, she moves herself so she's standing in front of him. He looks down upon her, liquid ice dripping down his face. He blinks, and water scatters off of his eyelashes. If they had decided to experience the moment through colors, they would see a shining light blue, with a slashing white through it, sprinkled with green, blue and a beautiful, moldy grey. But alas, all they could see was each other.

Green pierces through brown, a hand grips the front of a shirt, a pair of lips reaches up to caress a chin. Miniscule whiskers tickle Bella's lips, and she chuckles against the chin. She felts Edward's face morph with her into a smile, and they both close their eyes to enjoy the proximity. She breathes him in, as if she could suck his soul right out of him. Or perhaps his heart, if it is beating as long and loud as hers was. She rests her head on his chest and his arms encircle her, and they inhale slowly, as if they were one being – a magnificent tree.

Their combined shivers disrupt the embrace after some time, and Edward lets go of Bella so he can catch her palm in his hand and drag her back to shelter. Though unfortunately, they were still twenty minutes from any sort of cover, so they had to make do under a grand oak. Edward rubs Bella's arms to get some feeling back into them, and Bella tries to do the same for him. But she can't really, because she's trying too hard to keep herself from laughing at the ridiculous disarray that had become Edward's hair – if she had an egg with her, she'd have placed it into his hair and watched reverently as the egg hatched and became a chick.

"We can't stay here all day Edward," Bella reasons, licking at some water that had pooled above her lip. Edward carefully monitored the movement. "Edward, I'm serious," she clicks her fingers in front of his face and chuckles.

"I know, I know," he says, diverted from the motions of Bella's tongue. He tugs at his hair, attempting to come up with a plan. "How about you stay here and…"

"And what," she tugs at his hair in conjunction with him. "You'll drive through this forest and come save me? Well prince charming, I don't know about you, but last time I checked, Volvo's couldn't mow down trees…"

He smirks and gets his hair out of her tenacious grip, replacing it with his hand. "Will you shut up? I'm thinking."

"Should I be watching for steam that might come out of your ears?" She jumps back to avoid his swat. The exercise gives her a modicum of relief from the cold, so she keeps jumping to warm herself, progressing to star jumps. She clearly sees Edward give her a 'what the fuck' look, but she ignores it.

When she gets tired, which is fast - despite her occasional running Bella isn't very fit - she says, "I think we'll just have to make a run for it." Edward looks worried for a second but then nods, resignedly. He smiles at her devilishly all of a sudden. "Race you," he says, before quickly running off.

"Bring it," Bella shouts at him, but mutters 'fucking cheater' under her breath as he has obviously taken a head start.

Dodging stray branches and holes – Bella really doesn't want to think of what lives in those holes – is a very trying experience for Bella. But she doesn't give up – she won't let that pretty boy beat her, despite her balance problems. All she has to do is look at her feet the whole time, looking up occasionally in case of branches. Edward wasn't far in front of her; she could see him beating back plants and twigs. Which was good for her, as it gave her a warning as to what was in front of her.

"Getting tired yet?" he yells at her, looking over his shoulder and grinning at her, his hair now flat and glued to his head by the rain.

"Fuck no!" She hollers back, "You want to slow down a bit?" she puffs out, "maybe, a bottle too? I can sing you -" she sings out, " – _a_ _lullaby!"_

Edward throws his head back cockily in a roaring laugh, though in the process, he doesn't see a huge rock in his way, which trips him up. Hard. He attempts to bring his palms in front of him to soften the landing, which they do, though only marginally. If either of us were foreseen to fall over, Bella thinks, I would definitely not have thought him to be the winner.

He lies face down on the dirt and mud, a small river streaming around him. Bella jogs up to him as fast as she can and tries to roll him over, though Jesus on stilts is he heavy. She remembers from some long ago health class that it is better to keep an unconscious person on their side in case of vomiting, or in case they swallow their tongue. Fuck, Bella wishes viciously, I hope he's not unconscious. I can't deal with this shit.

Thank Christ, I'm not unconscious, Edward thinks. I doubt Bella could handle this shit. A sharp ache has instilled itself within his temple, and when he reaches up to touch it, shiny scarlet blood coats his fingers. "Shit," he groans. Eventually he notices Bella's face buzzing worryingly around him. Wait, Bella doesn't buzz. "Bella," he asks, his voice slow and monotonous. "This may be a weird question, but are you part bumble bee?" He attempts a smile but fails as the gnashing in his head gets worse. Bella smiles at him, trying to reassure him but still panicked herself. She bends down and whispers, "Can you stand up?" into his ear. He nods, and she grips him under his arms and pulls him up laboriously, rain still sopping down both of them.

Bella impatiently shoves her matted hair out of her face and pulls one of Edward's arms over her shoulder and starts carefully walking, supporting much of his weight. She looks up into his face to see a thick red jagged line over his temple. She worries her lip and prays that she won't fucking die out here on one of the most magical days of her life.

Of course, Bella is prone to melodramatics – August was the warmest month in Forks, chances were slim that they'd die of hypothermia. And Bella was pretty sure she'd lose all respect for Edward if he died from a cut. Bella always imagines herself dying in valiant ways – saving someone from an incoming car or train, distracting a snake from a baby and taking the bite herself. But nevertheless, Edward's death would not be a pleasant experience for her, even if it was executed in a pussy manner.

Miraculously, they see the Forks' High parking lot soon, they must have run father than Edward had thought. Just a little sleep was all he wants… though the annoying yet enchanting girl by his side has kept up a stream of chatter to keep him buoyed the whole time they were walking. The majestic swan to his ugly duckling, Edward thinks, pun definitely intended. Bella had told him earlier that her last name was Swan, which he had laughed about, but secretly thought it suited her stupendously.

He sees his sister who is leaning against the silver Volvo alongside Jasper - both of them barely visible in the sleeting rain - and ducks his head into Bella's shoulder, not wanting to face the wrath of the pixie. Alice lets out a small scream at the sight of her wretched-looking brother and runs up to him, bringing both of her palms to his face, making a clapping noise with the force of it, impelling him to look at her.

"What the fuck happened to you?" She sees the cut on his forehead and squeals, then repeats her question with more force.

"Fell," he whispers pathetically, looking down at the cement. Bella glances at him like a Mama Bear, fierce and protective. And thinking that he looks fucking adorable in that moment. Alice notices the glance out of the corner of her eye.

"Poor baby," Alice replies, stroking her brother's cheek gently. "How ya coping, bro?"

"I'm aw'right, Al," he replies tiredly. "Sleep seems awfully attractive right now. Maybe even sexually," he carefully crooks a smile, but winces and lowers the corner of his lips back down.

Alice looks over at Bella and makes a snap match-making decision, or perhaps it was just a desire to do her brother a huge favour.

"You have antiseptic at your house Bella?" She looks at Bella with wide, innocent eyes. "We're all out."

Bella's heart deflates and inflates like an accordion's bellows – slow and steady, but with purpose. "Uh – Uh, sure, I guess A-Alice." Why the fuck am I stuttering, Bella reprimands herself. Nerves?

"Great," Alice claps her royal-blue painted nails. "Jazzie and I have some kissy-kissy to commence, the bell went a few minutes ago," she looks over her shoulder to the blond blur in the distance. "So schools out. I'll leave you to it." She just about goes to skip away across the rain to her beau, but remembers that her brother isn't in a serious condition yet, but may be. Mustn't be an imbecile, even in the name of love, she chides.

"And Bella," Alice turns. "Our father happens to be a doctor. If you need anything, just ask Edward for the number." She winks, blowing a kiss to her brother who catches it lazily and stuffs it into his pocket, simultaneously taking out the keys to the Volvo and throwing them at Alice with his other hand. "Bye kids," she waves as she jangles the keys around her fingers, skipping to Jasper.

"I hope you don't mind if we take the rust-heap you call a truck," he asks her, putting some effort into injecting humour into his voice.

Bella flicks away the question and carefully turns to the pretty, injured boy to assess his condition, the rain still beating at her back. He's visibly sagging. "That girl is fucking nuts, Edward," she says edgily, "we're taking you to your dad right fucking now." When in doubt, cuss your heart out.

Bella gives him her arm again for support and sees Edward making an effort to shake his head. She mouths the word 'what' to him, and waits as he slowly leans to her ear, so he didn't have to talk over the booming rain. "I had a bad head injury when I was a kid," he whispers, Bella could barely make out his speech but concentrates on the vag-tingle inciting words, although they were causing dread to pool in her stomach. But how could she be possibly expected to control her reaction when she could feel his breath on her ear? "It hurt like a motherfucker Bella, like claws dancing on my skull," he pauses to breathe through his pain. "Now," he continues, "whenever I hurt my head I get like this, and the pain is worse than it should be. We don't need my dad. I keep pills with me. It's happened before." He tries to smile at her again and succeeds. "Just wake me every few hours."

_Poor baby indeed._

The drive to the Swan residence is slow as Bella is once again in her over-cautious mode, and she really wasn't appreciating the disparaging comments from Edward about her beloved Max. But she forgives him quickly, as throughout the ride Edward looks as miserable as Bella feels and fuck her dead if her heart didn't completely melt for him. You could pour boiling oil on it and it couldn't melt any further. Well, if Edward sneezes once again, maybe it could.

Bella thinks the way Edward sneezes is adorable – he scrunches up his nose and eyes slowly and then lets out a sound not dissimilar to one that a kitten would make – though maybe a bit manlier, as to not rid him of his dignity completely. Then he would open his eyes big and wide and blink a few times, as if his sneeze just blew up the world. Bella grins at the memory of his sneeze, which had happened a few minutes ago.

"What're you grinning at?" He asks her in a slow, sniffling voice.

"You," she answers, simply. It was the truth. And it cheers up Edward.

When they reach Bella's house Bella thanks her lucky stars that Renee has the double shift today – the questions she'd get from that woman would just be unsavoury. She tries to shuffle past all of the random furniture in a hurry to get Edward bundled up – and into her bed. It was the only place that she thought would be warm enough. The downstairs area was like the fucking Snow Queen's palace when it got cold, and she sure as hell wasn't putting him in Renee's bed. So, only one choice was available.

But Edward doesn't want to be shuffled through – he is a very curious boy. "Nice clock," he smiles shakily, but appreciatively. The clock was a huge cat face with the hands as the whiskers.

"That's one of the things we managed to bring from Phoenix." She had told him how they hadn't brought much from their home town. Bella smiles at him, but is still impatient. Edward halts once again when she pushes him, to look at the brown leather couch with a few rips in it that Renee had found at a garage sale a few days earlier, which was coupled with the lawn chairs that were there when the two moved in. "Strange combination," he pauses, "I like it," he comments after some thoght, before walking carefully in another direction.

It was Bella's turn to be the frustrated one. She pulls at her hair and stamps her feet a few times – Edward seems very determined to inspect the whole house before deeming himself satisfied. "Fuck Edward, you need to get warm," she almost yells at him, but remembers in time that he was sick and fragile. She softens her voice.

"Warm schwarm," he retorts, "this is interesting," he starts fingering the spines of the books on the bookshelf, much like Bella had done when she had first moved in. She stares at his wet ass covertly.

"And where would I get warm anyway?" he smiles back at her, impishly, wanting her to say it. The Swan residence didn't seem big enough to have a spare room, in Edward's opinion. He had an idea of where he was going to be put.

Bella lets out a breathy, elongated sigh. "My room, asshole," her panic was getting the best of her – he was looking greyer and greyer as the seconds ticked by on the cat clock.

"But my tour -" she doesn't let him finish.

"Just get in my bed, you prick!" She yells, fragility be damned. She was starting to doubt said fragility, anyway.

"If you insist," the impish grin is getting wider and becoming increasingly pronounced. Bella knows when she's been out-maneuvered.

"You are such a pervert," she says, scathingly. She hopes her tone of voice scalds his balls right off him.

"Hey, I saw you checking me out, hypocrite."

Bella's blush reaches right down to her toes.

**Rawr. Monster chapter tried to eat me. Phew, that was long. Review, folks.**


	9. Good Times and Bad Times

_If you want to,  
I can save you,  
I can take you, away from here.  
So lonely inside,  
So busy out there,  
And all you wanted was  
Somebody to care._

-All You Wanted (Michelle Branch)

NINE:

Edward's shivering ebbs, but slowly. Though it was an epic struggle, Bella eventually gets him into her bed and cocoons him in blankets. Although, at this point, she has seriously doubts about the intelligence of Alice's prodding. Him? And Bella? Alone? With a bed? Bella is a growing girl, and she has hormones. Hormones that make her want to do naughty things. Not to mention she has only known him a few days and at times, and he makes her as nervous as hell. Bella is also sure he still thinks she'll join Jessica's band of skanks.

"Stay, don't wander off," she warns him, getting some clothes out of her drawer before going to the bathroom to get the antiseptic and cotton ball, as well as changing. If he moves a muscle, the wooden bow and arrow are definitely coming out, Bella thinks. That boy drives her batshit crazy sometimes.

When she comes back into her room he is still there, looking over her meagre possessions with his eyes alight with curiosity. "You have no pictures on the walls," he comments, not really expecting an answer. But she gives one.

"I guess I don't feel like I'll be staying here forever."

"That's a shame," he replies light-heartedly, though something was clearly stewing beneath his tone. Instead of letting Bella dwell on it, he decides to whine a little.

"Cut hurts," he murmurs pitifully, looking up at Bella through his eyelashes. "Pet me?"

Bella laughs at the similarities he shares with a little boy.

"How about our ol' pal antiseptic instead?" She grins at the terrified expression that has replaced the faux- pathetic look. She tries to open the bottle in her hand but can't. Bella hates her bottle of antiseptic – it was childproof, so she has to push down and turn the lid to open it. Unfortunately for Bella, the bottle hates her and it never opens, no matter how hard she pushes down. But I'm not a child! She shouts at the bottle, mentally. Want to see the hair on my taco? It's all the evidence you need! But the bottle isn't listening, or decides to ignore her offer, which is totally unreasonable in Bella's opinion.

An evil smile graces Edward's face at the sight of her struggle.

"You do it then," she shoves the liquid bitch into his hands, where Edward lets it lie.

"Well?" she urges.

"Well?" he mimics.

"Open it."

"Would you be willing to burn your forehead off?" He smirks at her silently building anger, evident in her eyes." I didn't think so. This is one thing that will just have to stay unopened."

"Fuck, just do it," she comes close to shaking him by his asshole shoulders, but resists. "Do you seriously want to risk an infection? This coming from the son of a fucking doctor?" She cannot believe the tenacity of this guy.

"Imagine being a fucking doctor," he says in a wistful tone, looking out the window. "A doctor who treats people suffering from fucking…"

"Oh will you shut up and open it!" Bella fumes. If there was any justice in the world, Edward's skin would blister by the heat of her anger.

"Settle down before you hurt yourself," he says. He plays with the bottle in his hands, twirling the cap with his fingers. He throws it between his hands and the glint in his eyes show that he is fully aware of the effect it has on Bella.

"You are such a twit," she says in false calmness.

"I know," a corner of his mouth turns up. "I like annoying you." He relents and untwists the cap, finally. Bella breathes a loud sigh of relief, increasing the amusement of the twit.

She snatches the bottle from his grip before he can close it again, wets the cotton ball with the liquid and rubs it gently onto Edward's forehead. He winces, but doesn't make a sound, until she presses down slightly out of spite. "Shit! Careful!" he yelps, provoking a chuckle out of Bella.

"Bitch," he says, while trying to smirk over his yawn.

"You fucking too," she mock-glares. Bella can see he was falling asleep, a side effect of his pills he told her, so she pulls up the blankets to his neck so he was swathed in them like an ailing child.

"Do you mind if I sleep?" he asks, sleepily. It was obvious there was no choice but to give permission – he was in the bed in the first place because he needs to warm up, he couldn't leave yet, and if he's falling asleep then there's no way she could just say 'lie there and don't sleep'. Though she didn't know what she'd do with herself if he did sleep – was she expected to keep a vigil by his side while he slept? Don't be an ass, she reprimands herself. It's your house. Do what the fuck you want.

"Sure," she replies softly. "Just don't shit yourself if you need comfort. Call me instead."

He makes a face and she laughs, then his eyes close, but before he can fall asleep completely, he whispers, "remember, two hours."

Bella would remember.

Bella is feeling charitable after an hour later of watching him and reading, so she decides to run to the store to get some treats before Edward can wake up. She leaves her cell phone number on her bedside table in case he wakes up, but she has her doubts. He's snoring quite boisterously.

She gets some chocolate and salt-and-vinegar chips - she found out earlier that Edward them loves too. They are her favourite flavour. She loves how flavoursome they are, her favourite foods are those which you can taste right down to your intestines. Weak flavouring is almost painful, it's like you're just being teased, in Bella's opinion. She believes the same thing of touch.

She sees the friendly librarian in the store buying milk, and after greetings are exchanged the librarian says, "I haven't had the opportunity to introduce myself – my name is Angela," telling Bella she has to go, because her son's making a mess further down the aisle. Bella is glad – what the fuck are you supposed to say to a twenty-something librarian who's also a mother? Look at the creativity of the pattern of the cereal box you're holding?

When Bella gets back to her home she sees a car in the driveway. Fuck, she thinks. Renee's home.

Bella finds her mother having a cup of coffee in the kitchen – sitting down calmly at the old table and sipping slowly. Bella freezes up instantly – why the fuck is she home? Bella nearly shits herself at the thought of Renee seeing Edward.

"Hello, Bella," Renee greets her daughter in a neutral voice – Bella can't tell if she had seen Edward or not. She wonders if she should just ask her mother outright about Edward – but then if she hadn't seen him, it would be giving his location away. Bella feels royally screwed.

"Hi Mom," Bella returns. She never calls her mother Renee to her face – just in her head and to other people. Renee feels more like a sister to her than a mother at times, especially when her father was such a domineering man and had taken care of them both completely. Bella supposes than now she should call her mother 'mom' all of the time now since Renee is the one taking care of her – more or less – but she is more of a stranger now than a mother. They don't see much of each other, share their thoughts or have many mother-daughter moments anymore. In short, shit has gotten real.

"I'm pissed," Renee says into nothing, twisting the cup around in her palms. Oh fuck, Bella thinks. Shit is about to hit the fan. She braces herself.

"There's this guy at work – "Oh thank god. Bella's brow smooths in relief, and she tries to morph her expression into one of concern so Renee can't get suspicious. "And he's pestering me to go on a date. I might have to take him up on it just to get him to leave me alone," she looks up at her daughter, who doesn't reply with any comments or well-meaning-but-useless-advice. "How was your day, Bella?" Renee says, trying to restart the conversation.

"Fine Mom," Bella replies. She would've given a more expansive answer because she was surprised at Renee's interest and attempts to speak to her, but she feels really stressed about Edward. Had he woken up? What if he yells for her?

"Went somewhere, I see," Renee nods to Bella's shopping bag.

"Uh, yeah, tampons." She couldn't think of anything else that Renee would show no interest in and not desire herself – Bella wants the treats for Edward to cheer him up, not to feed Renee's unhappiness. And that may sound bitchy, but it's how she feels.

Bella decides to wait a few seconds in case Renee wants to add anything, because if Bella just runs upstairs her mother may follow her out of concern, or suspicion. But Renee stays silent, freeing Bella. Bella's mouth wraps in a little smile to placate any doubts Renee might have and almost jogs back upstairs to the boy lying in her bed.

Bella opens the door quietly and closes it with a timid click, in case Edward is still sleeping. But when she turns to him, he isn't there. Worry sets in as she whispers his name into her empty bedroom. "In here," comes out a muffled voice.

"Where," she says back in her normal speaking voice, not too loud in the event of Renee hearing. Though Bella could hear noise from the television downstairs, so chances are Renee won't.

The door to Bella's closet opens slowly and she her gladness exceeds bounds at the fact that Edward didn't choose to come out when she had come in – she probably would have screamed her fucking face off. It's as easy as Jessica to scare Bella.

"Sorry," he apologises. "I thought your mom might come in here," he grins. "My mom snoops in my stuff all the time when I'm not home. It's pretty obvious." Bella had never thought about it, but Renee seems pretty capable of it. But Bella doesn't have anything to hide except her poetry, which she keeps hidden anyway – she doesn't want that shit in plain view.

"So you keep your porn under lock and key?" she asks, grinning too.

'Of course," he replies. "Don't want to give her a heart attack. That shit can get pretty graphic."

"I agree."

"How would you know," he asks, surprised.

"None of your business," she retorts, slyly. Now isn't the time.

Edward sits on the bed and beckons Bella to do the same with a crook of his finger, and she complies, to his amusement. "I felt like sitting down," she says. "I didn't do it because of your summons."

"Sure, sure." Neither of them are convinced. Bella isn't sure there was a lot she wouldn't do for Edward Cullen.

They talk quietly for a while about various things, after Bella asks Edward how he's feeling, to which he replies that he feels better after the pills and the nap. Edward suggests various ways that Bella could spice up her room. Some were totally ludicrous, such as that Bella could paint patches of random color on the walls with nail polish – "cause don't all girls love nail polish?" - and Bella tells him that she can't wait to see his room, if his ideas are that weird. "Not that I plan to see it," she quickly inserts, in case it sounds like she was inviting herself over. Though she kind of was. She just doesn't want Edward to realize it.

"I'd like you to," he says softly, his gazing settling on Bella's palm, which was resting on her duvet. Bella's mouth stretches into a goofy grin for a second before she quickly rubs it off her face, literally, with her hand, so Edward couldn't catch it. But she was too late, and he saw it, and his eyes light up at the sight of it. Edward rubs his face hard with both of his hands to show how obvious Bella's movement is, and she stills her hands and drops them to her sides, glaring at him.

"You are such a pain in the ass," she informs him.

"Yeah," he agrees amiably.

She punches him, not too hard.

"You are too," he says, patting the injured spot.

"Yeah," she replies, just as peaceably as he had.

They gaze at random objects for a moment before Bella remembers her spoils, which she had put it on the floor next to her feet. Bella reaches over to pick up the bag and places it on the bed, opening it and showing Edward.

"While you are a pain in the ass," he reports, staring at the goods, "you do have nice moments. I'd say it's a two second rebound rate, before you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing. I'll enjoy it while it lasts." He chuckles when she punches him again in the same spot, but she can't hold her mean look when he pouts stupidly at her, and she laughs too.

"This isn't the right way to improve my opinion of you, Cullen," she says.

"What makes you think I want to improve your opinion of me?"

Bella smirks, "A little birdy told me."

"Well, a little birdy told me you aren't getting any of this," he tells her, and takes the packet of potato chips.

She steals it back and opens it, throwing a few at him. "You got salt in my eye!" He roars like a bear caught in a trap, yanking at the eye and attempting to halt it's tears.

Bella tries to smother her laugh but can't, and it's Edward's turn to glare. "Sorry," she says, but he isn't convinced of her sincerity. "Fine, I'm not. Crybaby."

"I'd like to see you have a straight face with salt in your eye," he removes the hand from the eye and shows Bella how red and watery has become. Repentance portrays itself on Bella's face, but only for a split second, until he throws the packet out of her open window – his aim is brilliant, something Bella would have thought if she wasn't pissed, again.

"Fuck! Asshole!" Bella chokes, disbelieving of what he did. Who does shit like that?

Edward's amusement at her anger only increases it.

A glance at Bella's alarm clock tells him he has to depart and he informs Bella of this. His family was probably worrying about him, he hadn't been answering their calls.

"Oh," Bella says, trying not to let her sadness show in her tone. "You'll have to jump out the window – it's not that far. I'm sorry, but I don't think Renee could handle this." Her mother was always open about Bella dating, but Bella was sure that Renee would be convinced that Bella had hid Edward from her – which she had – and would subsequently throw a bitch fit.

"Shit," he replies, and goes to the window to size up the distance. It wasn't that high, but he's sure he'd break his coccyx on the way down. At least he'd look macho while doing it. Edward walks back to Bella and says, "Just before I go," before opening the chocolate and breaking off a piece, then further breaking it that piece in half and handing some to Bella. She grins and eats it, closing her eyes slightly so her senses were concentrated on the chocolate slowly melting in her mouth.

"You look like you're having an orgasm," he tells her, entranced. Bella swallows the chocolate and licks her lips.

"You sound like you know how I look like when I'm having an orgasm," she retorts tartly. She thinks that he says 'I wish' under his breath, but isn't sure if she imagined it. "I enjoy savouring food," she says, trying to make it not sound like she was justifying herself to him - she didn't owe him squat.

"I enjoy watching you enjoy savouring food," he replies, secretly delighting her. Images of her 'savouring' the whipped cream she was licking off his chest pop into her mind…

Edward walking back to the window diverts her, and he turns back to look at Bella one last time before leaping out, calling out a "Yippee ka yay motherfucker!" on the way down.

The screech has it's intended effect and Bella smiles, going over to the window quickly and yelling, "And get my fucking chips!" just in case he'd listen. But of course, he doesn't get the packet lying almost right next to his feet, instead choosing to look back at Bella, bringing his thumbs up to his ears, spreading his fingers and wagging them, effectively making a 'fuck you' gesture.

Bella snorts and flips him the bird.

"Asshole," she murmurs with a smile. Bella decides on the spot that she thinks assholes are definitely her type. But she really needs to go down and get those chips. She turns back around to go lie down and the packet sails in through her window, hitting her on the head and getting some chips in her hair. The smile widens. She turns back to the window but he was already gone.

All of a sudden she panics. When she was yelling to Edward she had completely forgotten about Renee's presence. What if she had heard?

Bella runs down the stairs to see if Renee is freaking out or if she looks like she's preparing her 'lecture' face, but she isn't and doesn't. Her mother is simply sitting down on the couch, with a bowl of soup, uneaten in her lap, watching some sitcom.

"Want something, sweetie?" Renee asks, with half-lidded eyes.

On Renee, that's a sure sign of alcohol consumption.

"No. Just thought I heard something." Bella's stomach churns as she walks back up the stairs, mentally trying to prepare herself from the mini break down Bella is sure she's about to have. A random thought appears in Bella's head – how is Edward getting home? But her subconscious pushes it back, focusing on her anguish at Renee's actions.

"Oh, and Bella?" Renee calls out.

"Yeah?"

"He seems nice." Renee voice sounds dreamy, as if she is about to fall asleep, or is in some kind of trance. The latter seems the most likely to Bella, but she doesn't care about the tone of her voice – Renee had just basically admitted to Bella that she didn't care about Edward's 'visit'.

Bella doesn't reply and instead walks to her room, closing the door slowly and sliding down the wood until she was sitting on the cold, unwelcoming floor. Renee didn't care. Bella had just lost another piece of her mom, who always cared about shit like this.

Bella always did have a morbid curiosity of death.

**Yeah, a little shorter, but I felt like uploading. **

"**While you are a pain in the ass," he reports, staring at the goods, "you do have nice moments. I'd say it's a two second rebound rate, before you're back doing the next pain in the ass thing." – this is a variation of a quote from the movie 'The Notebook'. Just FYI, since it's almost the same.**


	10. And Just Bad Times

**The song below is pretty good to listen to while reading the chapter – it enhances the creepy/ominous feeling I was going for. Enjoy.**

_And everytime I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
I guess I need you baby_

**-**Everytime (Britney Spears)

TEN:

She sits on the floor for a long time – pondering the consequences of her death, and the consequences of her life. Her curiosity about death occasionally extends to suicide, but not often, just during bad moments. Bella isn't that far gone at this point though, she just starts wondering loosely about it. To her, the biggest mystery in the world was what happens after death, and sometimes she was willing to sacrifice her life to find out about it. What if her dad was up there, or eternal happiness, or reincarnation? Bella often feels like whatever it is, it would be better than how she was living now. Though of course, Bella is scared of pain. You can't really die without it, unless you take an avenue such as suffocation or drowning, which seems too like too long of a wait to Bella. So it's moot.

The cold floor eventually makes her ass hurt like a motherfucker so she gets up and moves to the bed instead, shifting herself into a foetal position and rocking herself slightly. Bella looks up at the framed picture of two figures fishing – the father grinning enthusiastically and holding a huge fish, the daughter scowling and leaning away exaggeratedly. Bella misses her dad.

* * *

"Eeeeeedward!" Alice screams, throwing her arms roughly around her older brother. "I was worried shitless about you. What did you and Bella get up to?" She asks cheekily, before her expression changes into one of concern and she asks, 'How are you?"

She pauses enough to let Edward answer, "We just talked, mostly. I'm fine, I slept it off."

Alice gives her typical squeal and instructs her brother to 'tell her absolutely all the deets,' which he ignores so he can walk up to his room. "Edward!"

Edward turns back to see Alice glaring up at him with her hands on her hips. "Bye, Tink,'he waves his fingers at her. She continues to glare, but now at his back. "Fine. I'll go tell Mom your home," she shouts, stomping off to find Esme.

Edward clicks his door closed and takes out his phone, wallet and miscellaneous items and places them on his bedside table – one of those items being Bella's number. He had typed the number into his phone long ago, but wanted to keep it as a momento.

Edward wonders whether he should text her, call her, or do anything at all. It had only been approximately an hour since he had seen her, and he thinks that maybe she would think he was a creep if he started seeking her out after such a short time. Though it didn't feel short to Edward – the long walk to Jasper's house had been tiring. And dealing with Jasper was too – his friend wasn't very pleased with an impromptu visit from a guy demanding a ride. Well, Edward had done some freaky shit for him, so he felt that Jasper could at least drive him home.

And Edward didn't mind being called a 'fucking douchebag,' thank you very much Jasper, as long as it ensured that he didn't have to walk for another two hours to get back to his house, plus Jasper got to see Alice, so Edward didn't know what the fuck he had complained about. In fact, he could hear Alice bouncing around now. He tries not to imagine what his best friend and his sister were getting up to now.

Standing in his room, ambivalent, for a moment, he comes to a decision. He won't call her. Edward doesn't think Bella will be a Queen Bitch anymore, but he still feels that he needs some distance. Emmett was the last new person he had in his life, and he'd been in their little group of misfits for around two years. Having someone else feels a bit strange.

He'd go down and play the piano instead, Edward decides – causing Esme happiness and hopefully getting her to forgive him for both not calling and not greeting her when he came home, at the same as irritating the shit out of Jasper and Alice by playing something edgy. Nothing like sharp, staccato piano notes to kill the mood. Edward isn't sure why he enjoys annoying people so much, but it's just how he is. He's a little shit, but a lovable one.

* * *

Bella is almost asleep – still with her body in a ball – when she hears the sobbing downstairs. One thing a teenage girl doesn't want to hear in her life, Bella thinks, is her mom crying violently over something that there is no way to change. Bella feels so helpless during these moments, and this adds to her overall feeling of depression.

She plugs her IPod earbuds into her ears and turns her music right up, drowning out all other noise. Bella bought special earphones a while ago that, in order to stay in, need to be inserted very deeply into the ears. She can't hear a sound other than her music due to this, a big plus.

Eventually though, the hair around her shoulder starts pissing her off monumentally. Something about the small brush of her on the nape of her neck, or the weight of it, irks Bella right now. She starts fidgeting with it until she has it piled up on the top of her head where she can't feel it, finally settling down. Bella worries briefly about the time, since it can't be very late. She probably shouldn't let herself fall asleep now, otherwise she wouldn't be able to sleep later and her sleeping pattern would officially be screwed up. But to be taken away from her situation is so endearing to Bella…

She turns over and the hair collapses behind her, brushing her neck and shoulders again. _Fuck this._

Bella marches purposefully to the bathroom. She stares at herself in the mirror hanging over the sink, scrutinizing every inch of herself, until her gaze comes to her hair; her annoying as hell, unnecessary and excessive hair. At this point, Bella can't really see a downside to cutting it off. She thinks it could even be liberating.

Bella gets plain scissors from the desk in her room, and ready's herself. _Snip. _She feels the lock as it falls down her face and into the sink. One step closer to being free, Bella thinks.

_SnipSnipSnipSnip._

It all comes cascading down her chest and back, into the sink, onto the floor, stray strands into her eyes and into her mouth. There is so much hair, everywhere. Bella tries to style it someway but feels that she has failed, though she likes her end result. Certainly, it looks like a haircut done by a girl who wanted to have it cut on a whim. There seems to be no premeditation in the style. It is choppy and edgy, but interesting, if you didn't look at it to closely and find the amazing number of inconsistences. It came to just slightly under her chin and curved towards her face a little, emphasizing her wide-set eyes and cheekbones. In hindsight, Bella thinks that she should have probably wet her hair first for a more accurate cut, but it's too late. It's too late for a lot of things.

Bella cleans up the hair and stares at herself one last time, before walking back to her room, satisfied with herself and proud for getting the balls to do it. Cutting her hair was something she had wanted to do for a while – her father had adored her hair, he ran his fingers through it whenever he had the chance. The hair had just served to remind Bella of what wasn't there, and wouldn't ever be again.

Doing her homework was tedious but not time-consuming. When she had done it and snuck past Renee to get some food, she read for a while before going to sleep.

Bella dreams of the apartment she and Renee shared for about month after the accident. They had moved out and were on the move in less than a week, wanting to get away from the familiarity of the homely house they had shared with Phil. The apartment was somewhere in Nevada, and Renee had spent most of her time drinking and gambling. It was a hellish experience for Bella – what she could remember the clearest was the colors – gold, fiery red, and the deep blue of a Jacuzzi. Renee had turned their apartment into what looked like a strip club – sparkly fairy lights and red velvet dominated it, filled with tacky knick-knacks which cheapened the place, a glint of metal here and there. Bella had to listen to Renee doing various things with various men all night, most nights, which is where she learned her IPod-blocking technique from. It was probably the month Bella had finally lost her innocence.

The dream consists of Renee in Bella's room, wearing a red and white cheerleader's outfit with her hair tied into pigtails. She has bright red pom-poms by her side, and is doing little dances for a man, who is sitting in a corner, watching her and sipping a beer. As Renee twirls, her image morphs, until it's Bella dancing and spinning, and the man is a boy; Edward Cullen. Edward starts to advance on Bella, until she stops dancing and gestures to him, seductively. He slides his palm up her thigh, when –

-her alarm clock wakes her up.

Bella stretches and yawns, relieved that the dream didn't progress. It had a nightmarish quality to it and Bella didn't want something with Edward to be a nightmare, even if only in a dream. Bella also never wants to remember that apartment again – it creeps the shit out of her. It was like all the slime and sleaze of the world had been collected in a sponge and wrung out into the apartment so it was saturated in the ooze of the world's underbelly. Bella rubs her eyes, as if she can rub past events from her memory and live her life in peace. Not fucking likely, Bella thinks glumly, though honestly.

Bella tugs her hair in anticipation for school, climbing out of Max and glancing around for Alice, making sure the pixie wasn't about to come around the corner and frighten her. Bella didn't think Alice would freak out about her hair, but she was nervous about it anyway. What if the pixie deemed it hideous? Bella doesn't understand why she craves the pixie's approval. Maybe because Alice seems like she has her life sorted out completely, and Bella just wants to be like her. Or perhaps Bella is a hopeless nobody who just wants someone to like her and not abandon her, like her mother has done. Whatever the reason, she hopes that Alice doesn't give her shit about it.

Bella finally finds her in the library – on the lap of 'moonpie' – only one of the nicknames Bella had heard Alice call poor Jasper over the last few days. If the names weren't profoundly gooey, Bella is sure Jasper would have no idea Alice was actually referring to him since it seems like she creates a new pet name every few minutes.

Jasper nudges his nose into Alice's shoulder and points his head in Bella's direction, signalling her arrival to Alice. "Bella!" she shrieks, launching herself at Bella. Mid-launch, she pauses, staring at Bella's hair in bewilderment. Here we go, thinks the object of said bewilderment.

"Did you fall into a pit of razor-blades?" Alice asks, closing her jaw firmly, but still not taking her eyes off the hair.

"No," Bella replies, coupled with an eye-roll. "I just felt like cutting it."

"No, no, no, this will never do," Alice comes up to Bella and takes her by the shoulders, her eyes darting between Bella and her hair. "Listen to me, Bella." Alice says, her voice deep. "You will come to my house," the pixie shakes Bella's shoulders, "you will come," - shoulder shake - "and I will fix it," another shoulder shake.

"Are you sure you're not going to say, 'you are getting sleepy?'" Bella smirks. She mostly made the joke out of surprise – she didn't understand how it really fucking mattered, it's just hair.

"I can see you thinking it's just hair Bella," Alice frowns, outraged. "But hair is the building block that makes the mansion of fashion!" Alice emphasis's with a jut of her finger into Bella's chest. "Now, I admit I think the rest of fashion is bullshit, but hair, is everything. No hair, no fashion."

Bella snorts, but accepts Alice opinion. "Alright Alice. But I'm fine with mine."

Alice snarls, "Don't challenge me on this, Swan."

"Well, I do," Bella retorts, and has the absurd craving to poke out her tongue. She hasn't done that since the fifth grade.

"Catfight," Jasper murmurs, which sufficiently distracts the two women enough so they can attack him instead. Bella feels relief; she just didn't give a shit about the hair anymore.

Today was just one of those days for Bella – she barely registered anything that happened. It all went past her in fast-forward, and she was spaced-out almost the whole time. Edward probably asked her something, and Alice might have waited for her to make a comment, but none of these things appeared on her radar. Colors floated past her – the whites, blues and browns of the classrooms, the greys and blacks of the sky, but when Bella actually came home, she was surprised. She could not recall anything she learnt in class, and could only remember scattered phrases from the conversations she had.

Today was just one of those days, she concluded.

But it wasn't just one day. It was two days, which turned into three, four, then a week, then two, and the Cullens began to think they had lost their new friend. Zoning out had replaced bitching at Edward as her favourite pastime, and on the Thursday which marked the third week of out-of-whack Bella, Edward had had enough.

"Bella," he states, leaning on the locker beside hers.

"Bella," he repeats, after she doesn't reply.

"What," she finally replies while slowly rummaging through her things, her voice drowsy.

"What the fuck is going on with you," He asks, frustrated, pulling strands of his hair. "You've been a zombie."

"Have I?" She sounds drunk. She's acting drunk. Edward sniffs. She smells drunk. Edward grips her sleeve roughly and pulls her to him, whispering, "have you seriously been drinking? At school?"

"If you can't beat em', join em," she retorts convolutedly. Edward has no idea what she is talking about.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asks her, trying not to let irritation cloud his concern. She seriously did look fucked up.

"I had a dream I turned into my mom, you know," she says, ignoring his question. "'S comin' true," Bella sways slightly, pulling herself upright by holding on to the door of her open locker. "Can you believe it?" She turns to him and smiles toothily. Oh boy, Edward sighs, internally.

"What is going on, Bella," he asks her one last time, determined to find out what had happened to the girl who he had previously admired.

And so Bella tells Edward a drunken version of her life story, by the lockers at Forks High.

**Remember, reviews are where the heart is;]**


	11. Magic

**Its been a while. This one's angsty.**

_I don't mind spending everyday  
Out on your corner in the pouring rain  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved  
She will be loved_

-She Will Be Loved (Maroon 5)

ELEVEN:

"So basically," she slurs, gripping onto Edward's shirtfront. "My dad died." Bella stops talking, and looks over Edward's shoulder, peering at a girl who had started to stare suspiciously at them. The girl ducks her head and continues her path to class.

"He died, and so did my soul along with him," she continues, and looks him in the eye seriously, before cracking a wide smile.

"But I didn't realize it," she continues, "I just thought it was sleeping."

"But you know what, pretty boy," Bella pokes him in the chest with the hand that was holding onto the locker door. "What can't kill you…only makes you stranger," her smile continues to widen, as does Edward's horror at Bella's mental state. Just what had happened in the last few weeks, he wonders.

"Why so serious, Edward?" she asks, with a little giggle in her throat. "Why so serious?"

"Enough with this shit," he ignores her question and grabs onto her arm, slamming her locker door and proceeding to the entrance of the school. She continues to giggle, and he wishes she would shut the fuck up. He's not perfect, and he knew he should be tolerating her crap, but he cant. It was too goddamn freaky.

"Rape, rape!" she screams, annoying him further. But her giggling offset any concerns passing students may have had, so the crazy girl yelling in the hallway was ignored.

The parking lot is empty, thank Jesus, so Edward doesn't have an audience for his rough shoving of Bella. "Easy, easy," she sticks her hands up like a criminal being caught red-handed. "I'm not going to run, I'm sick of this shithole anyway." She sways into his car and hurts Edward's ears with her screech of: "Where we goin' Louise?"

"Is your mom home?" He says through his teeth.

"What mom?" Another giggle. "There is only Renee. Renee the empty, Renee the lifeless, Renee the ghoul…" Bella sighs, her mouth finally contracting back into an expression that wasn't one of a maniac. "She didn't even notice these," she draws up her sleeves to reveal small cuts zigzagging across her arms. "I couldn't do 'em dramatic, scared a'pain y'know," she sighs once again, drawing her sleeves down and staring out the window.

Edward tries to keep his temper but isn't very successful. More worrying though was the deluge of distress he feels at the cuts. He knew of her fear, but when will the time come that even that won't block her path of self-destruction?

"You didn't answer my question," he states, his face still neutral but his foot pushing down on the accelerator. "Is she home?"

"No, pretty boy. She isn't."

"Thank you."

The car ride was quiet, except for the small stupid things that Edward whispers. He doesn't know that she is completely calm and serene, so he tells her sweet nothings to keep her from screaming out again or doing anything dangerous. He doesn't know what he'd do if she jumped at him and turned the wheel of the car or something. Fuck, he was in over his head, he thinks viciously. What the fuck has her mom done to her?

They finally arrive at Bella's house and Edward murmurs about fifty prayers of gratitude to any higher power that may be looking over them that nothing had happened to them on the ride there. He gets out impatiently and opens the passenger door for Bella, to find her just staring through the windshield aimlessly. 'I watched the Dark Knight yesterday, Edward," Bella informs him, turning her head so she was facing him. "That Joker…he has some good points." She brings her fingers to her chin and scratches it, as if she has a beard. "Not about the killing people thing, but…we should cause some anarchy, you and me," she grabs his shirtfront again and shakes it, a pleading look in her eyes. "You and me, Edward." He chooses not to answer that particularly disturbing comment.

He peels her hands off his shirt and steps back, waiting for her to get out. When she doesn't, he comes forward and scoops her up. Her head lolls back, and she stretches out her arms, whispering "wee".

The door is unlocked to Edward's surprise, and Bella murmurs something along the lines of, "stupid Renee, can't do anything." Edward drags both of them up the stairs and into the tiny bathroom, dumping Bella gently onto the tiles of the shower.

"You aren't gonna be a jerk like those guys in the movies who douse the chicks in cold water to sober them up, are you?" She grins, causing him to pause for a second, before making his decision and turning on the cold water. She raises her arms in glee and stands up, dancing around in the freezing water. This surprises him so much that he doesn't see her arm jerk out and grab his arm, pulling him into the inferno of ice water. "Fuck!" He yells, trying to get out, but she holds him and doesn't grant him reprieve. After a few seconds he stops trying to get out and just stares at her, watching as awareness slides back into her lifeless eyes.

"You chose this, Edward," she says softly, looking into his eyes again. "You've chosen to save me," she pauses, brushing his now sopping hair out of his emerald eyes. "You've got to be with me through all the shit, or none at all." Bella lets him go and stares at him like a depraved angel, good but so, so disturbed. Either he stays in the shower or he gets out, the choice is Edward's.

"I'm fucked up, Edward," she tells him, "I'm probably not worth it," her hand extends to the tiled wall to keep her balance as she floats down to the floor, curling up into a ball. "But now I'm sober…ish," she adds, after thinking about it, "and I'll remember what you do. Choose." Bella looks up at him through her eyelashes and hopes.

The look in his eyes portrays ambivalence, and indeed, he feels very indecisive. He feels great affection for the pathetic shell of a girl curled up in front of him, but he was only seventeen. He'd never dealt with anything like this. His dad's a little nuts, as is his sister, but other than that his family was perfectly functional and had never put him through any situations even bearing a tiny resemblance to the one he is in right now. But the memories of the moments he has shared with Bella anchor him for a moment, even when she was fading away they had still had some moments…Edward doesn't want that to be the end of their story.

Determination glares through his eyes and he walks out of the shower, leaving Bella alone.

Realization pounces upon her like a puma, and she starts sobbing, loud and long. It was not pretty – snot was pouring out of her nose like out of a tap, and her eyes became bloodshot quickly as her tears became one with the water blasting at her. She doesn't care if Edward can hear her, she wants him to feel her pain. She wants someone to feel her pain. She wants to feel a sense of belonging with someone, and she was so close, so close… But Bella has an epiphany – no one can be trusted. No one can be let in. Everyone will only end up crushing her until she is only ashes in the wind, and she doesn't want to be ashes. Ashes are as insubstantial as the smoke that blows off of Renee's cigarettes, and Bella wants to mean something. The world _will_ fucking remember her when she is through with it.

Bella gets up off the tiles and turns off the water, threading her hands through her short, choppy hair and pulls it, smiling at the small prick of pain. She was slowly desensitizing herself to it, as it's probably going to be a dominating presence in her life. Get used to it, Swan, she instructs herself.

She steps out of the shower and doesn't care about the streams of water flowing off her clothes and onto the floor. Renee can clean it up, if she notices it.

But as Bella is about to walk through the door and back to her bedroom, Edward appears in the doorway, holding two towels. "Sorry I dripped a little, there weren't any towels in here and it took me a while to find them," he smiles crookedly and half-heartedly, hoping Bella will accept him.

Gratitude blooms in Bella's eyes as she realizes that she is wrong, she is not alone, and trust can be given to a select few. Though she doesn't fully trust Edward yet, maybe time will change that. But maybe not, Bella doesn't know. The damage Renee has caused has absorbed Bella completely into a downward spiral and Bella isn't sure that she can ever recover from it. But she is determined to try and not destroy herself in the process as she was planning to. Edward is probably against that, Bella thinks wisely.

She takes one towel from him slowly and begins to wipe her face. "We should get changed," she says to him, gently, as if any sound louder than a whisper will disturb the balance of the world and take him away from her, shattering her recent resolve.

"Yeah," he agrees, looking between them at their saturated clothes. "You're a pretty weird drunk, you know."

"I know."

She doesn't apologize because she knows she doesn't need to – Edward's decision has slightly closed the distance between them and Bella knows there is no need for sorry anymore. He has acknowledged that she had a fucked up moment, that there will be future fucked up moments, but he will be by her side throughout the fucked-upedness.

"Don't cut yourself, please." He asks her, his face slightly tarnished with the agony he feels at the thought of her hurting herself. "Don't," he repeats.

She links her pinky finger with his and whispers: "pinky-swear."

She gets changed into sweatpants and a Spongebob t-shirt while he drives to his house and puts on his own clothes, avoiding his mother stealthily and driving to the high school where he leaves his car for Alice and drives Bella's truck back to her house. He leaves Alice a text describing parts of the situation, omitting the gorier and more personal details.

After an hour he arrives back to Bella and jogs to her room, throwing her the keys to her truck and stands awkwardly beside her bed which she is reclined on. She is reading a book, which she puts onto her bedside table when she catches sight of him.

"Hey." His greeting may be lame, but it's all he could think of.

"Hey," she replies, looking at her hands and fidgeting. Unable to keep silent after a few moments, she says: "So this is awkward for me, is it awkward for you?"

"It is awkward for me," he says, smiling. He is glad that she is nearly back to herself, if not fully, then at least she is more similar to the way she was before the zombie days than during them.

"You expecting an explanation?" She asks him, still not looking at him directly.

"No, but it would be nice," he replies. "You could have told me you were suffering before."

She considers his statement, before saying, "I wasn't really expecting you to care." She shifts her focus to the trees outside her window. "If Renee doesn't, why should you, is what I was thinking."

"Well I do," he informs her, hoping that she will remember that for future incidents. "Tell me if it gets to you again."

'I'll try," she finally looks at him, mentally smiling at the euphemism of 'it'. "But this is hard for me. I'm struggling to even be in the same room as you right now."

"Why?" he asks, bewildered. He thought that they were alright now.

"You have no idea how humiliated I am, Edward," she tells him dejectedly. "Humiliated at what you saw, at the fact that I want to get drunk again. I promised myself I'd never turn into her, but I feel like I'm going to."

He stops merely standing there like a fool and sits down beside her, separating her hands and laying them by her sides so she'd stop fidgeting with them, something she did when she was anxious, as he had noticed.

"It's ok Bella," he says, his tone soft. Bella thinks back to when he first said those words and wonders whether he knew something was up with her even then.

She pulls his sleeve down to prompt him into arranging himself so he was lying beside her. After being in that position for a few minutes in comfortable silence he shifts his face so he is looking at her, prepared to make a joke of some sort to lighten up the grim atmosphere. But his attempt at humour halts in his throat when he sees tears rolling down her face like antelope racing through hills and valleys.

She notices his questioning glance and says, "I just feel so alone sometimes, Edward." Though her words are so sad, he feels something akin to relief at hearing them. He had felt so excluded from her bubble for the last few weeks, but finally she is telling her what she has been going through. Edward has the opinion that if she just told him what has happened to her, he could fix it, and the bags of sleep-depravation and depression would disappear from beneath her eyes.

She sighs as become her habit, and folds an arm so the back of her hand was lying across her forehead, slightly shielding her eyes. "Renee… Renee is no longer there."

She sniffles and blinks back her tears, wanting this conversation not be marred by the annoying drops of crystalline. 'Dad is not here." One of her fingers rubs off the tears drying on her face.

"I am alone." She states, her tone suggesting that she is resigned to the fact.

Edward struggles to keep his mouth shut and let her speak, but he is desperate to reassure her about himself and Alice, and probably Jasper and Emmett too. They had begun to adjust to her before she zombified herself. He silently hopes it isn't too late for friendships to form.

"These weeks I've been trying to get her attention, to somehow get her to snap out of the state of grey she seems to be in, but it hasn't been working." She chuckles lightly, but it is a laugh of sadness and despair. "I've had to learn how to cook since she doesn't feed me anymore. I used to burn my toast every time I made it, but now I can make a decent ham sandwich." Her hand shifts back to her face so it is blocking her eyes, as if that would block Edward's vision so he would no longer be able to see her baring herself to him. But of course, Bella doesn't succeed, and he is forced to witness the sham that Bella's life has become. Silence descends upon them both for a few minutes, until Edward is wondering if this is all Bella is prepared to share with him today. But eventually she breaks the silence, her quiet voice loud in the absolute silence that has consumed house.

"And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand…" She sings softly, her voice breaking several times and stopping suddenly at the last word, not continuing the song. His heart aches for her, as does his body, as does his soul. He cannot do anything for her by try to get her to accept her situation and move on from it, but he doesn't know if he is capable of it, or if she is ready for it.

Edward decides not to dwell on the thought and sits up and looks down upon her, removing her hand from her face so he could see her expression. Her glance lands upon him in surprise for a moment before darting over his shoulder. She tries to pull her hand from his grasp but doesn't succeed, and she stops trying when she notices his tender expression.

Once she halts her struggling he releases his grasp on her hand, and moves his palm up to cup her cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb along the jawbone on the other side of her face. She looks startled and he senses that she is about to run away like a deer caught in headlights, but he holds her and tries to show her that he isn't going to hurt her.

It wasn't that she is scared, though. Bella just isn't sure that she could handle this. If she gets involved with Edward, and he abandons her like everyone else has, she doesn't know what she'd do, what she'd become. But she could also get run over while crossing the road, or get hit in the head by an anvil that had dropped from the sky, so she decides to go with it and not ask what if. Anything can happen in life, and she is going to make fucking sure that this, him and her, will happen, even if it costs her heart in the end.

He leans down and places one palm beside her to hold his weight off of her and kisses her gently, as light as the fluffy clouds in the sky or the feathers on a cockatoo. She wants more but he keeps it slow, kissing her then pulling back, kissing her then pulling back, until finally settling and outlining her bottom lip with his tongue. She pulls him closer until they seem to be merged into one, threading her fingers through the mess that he calls his hair and placing the other hand onto the small of his back. She lets out a quiet, embarrassing sound at the feel of his tongue and pulls his hair roughly, resulting in a sound parallel to hers coming from Edward.

She opens her mouth in anticipation for his, causing him to pull back and look at her in apology.

"What?" she asks, worried that he was put off by her and is about to reject her. One thing that Bella is sure she is: full of stupid and fucking annoying insecurities.

"I had a salad stuffed with garlic for lunch. Can I give you an IOU, usable at absolutely any time?" He asks, a side of his mouth lifting in a lopsided smile.

"Are you kidding?" She retorts. "I don't have the aversion to garlic that most people seem to have for some reason." Bella smiles stupidly and strokes the stubble on his cheeks. "I love garlic, I love tasting it, I'd love to taste it on you," she informs him, pulling him back down to her.

"That's alright then," he says, grinning.

He resumes his ministrations and straddles her so his knees are taking all of his weight. He cups her cheek again and places his other hand on her neck, rubbing it slowly. He can barely concentrate through the sensation that her fingers are causing in his hair but somehow he manages, bringing his tongue to her lips once again and hoping they would open. They did, and together they made magic, the kind of crackling, sparkling magic that is thought to only exist in fairytales. But for Bella, Edward is her fairytale, her prince, her knight. She only hopes that he will defeat her dragon and they will live happily ever after.

**Review. **

"**What can't kill you…only makes you stranger" and "Why so serious?" - quotes from 'The Dark Knight'.**

"**And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand" – from the song 'City of Angels' by the Goo Goo Dolls.**


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